Owl be watching you

Remember how I blogged about the trauma of when mum and I visited the local garden centre recently?

I was trying to explain, very badly, about the menacing stone owls they have in great profusion there.

I don’t think I did a very good job of it.

When I say that there were hundreds of them, I am not exaggerating.

I now have photographic evidence.

I know it doesn’t look impressive, but honestly, there were hundreds of clumps of these things, EVERYWHERE.

It was like that episode of Dr. Who, the one with the stone angels where everyone shouts: ‘Don’t blink!’ and the angels get closer and closer with their evil, stony fangs.

Only in this case it would be their evil, stony beaks.

It’s my mum’s birthday next weekend.  Maybe I should buy her a clump of stone owls, and then position them outside the living room window, so they can stare in  through the foliage.

‘DON’T HOOT!’

Waving my Odd Sock Wildly

I am receiving a lot of bloggy love at the moment, for which, as you know, I am hugely grateful.

The joy of blogging relies on friendships that are built up over time through comments, shares and thoughtful readership of the work of other bloggers, who in turn, often return the favour.  It really is a community built on communication and mutual regard, and I think that’s fairly special.

Blogging friendships occur at lots of different levels and intensities, just as they do in real life. Sometimes they spill over into real life.  Sometimes they stay virtual, but that in no way diminishes their power.

I read a lot of blogs.  There are a lot of interesting people out there, and regular readers will know about my absolute favourites, who I return to again and again.

There are other bloggers who I read who are newer to me, but who I know are set to become some of my ‘go to’ favourites. I have either found them through the recommendation of other bloggers I trust, or because they have commented on my blog and I have dropped over to see what they do. Sometimes I keep dropping over.

This is what happened with my friend Alex over at Odd Socks and Pretty Frocks. Alex had been commenting on my blog on and off for a while, and last Autumn I popped over to see her blog, and stayed.  One day she posted something I knew Tilly would love, and I couldn’t wait for her to get home from school so I could share it with her.  Tilly did love it, and stayed too.

Alex has just written a fantastic blog post in which she has been very, very kind about my blog, as well as two other top drawer bloggers I am honoured to share blog space with, Tania Kindersley at Backwards in High Heels, and Just Me.

I want to reciprocate.

She deserves it.

She mentioned she had written it in a throwaway comment, and that it might not be as exciting as being mentioned by LLG.

This is because she is far too humble for her own good.

Alex is a dynamic, interesting blogger.  Her posts are well written, well constructed and eye catching.  I love her photography, and her use of colour and images is totally fresh and exciting.

I love the fact that her blog posts are little delights that always manage to surprise me.

Her writing makes me feel nostalgic for the days when I loved fashion as much as I love wearing pyjamas now, and I find myself inspired to take more sartorial risks after having read one of her posts.

She recommends excellent books, fabulous cafes, and shit hot shoes (Irregular Choice are a new fetish I blame entirely on her influence).  She is also a firm fan of the Charity Shop haul, which is something I wholeheartedly approve of and celebrate with her.

Not only is she a damn good blogger herself, but she has also introduced me to the wonder of Vintage Vixen, who I have a small but perfectly formed girl crush on.

Alex, thank you.  Your regard means a lot more than you think.

 

Running in the family

I am going to London tomorrow, for the weekend.

I will be sans children and husband again.

I know.  I am lucky.  Please do bear in mind that I did four days at the coal face of lone parenting last weekend. And I had a sad, ill small boy for the entirety of that time, and missed an evening drinking champagne with my friend Lizzie.  As such I feel I am entitled to as much time off as I can guilt my husband into giving me, and I have absolutely no shame about milking it for all it is worth.

I am going to meet with my fabulous friend Gina, who lights up my life.  We are going for lunch at The Wolseley.  I have never been, although I have written about it before.

In the afternoon we are rolling across the road to the Royal Academy to see the much lauded David Hockney exhibition.

If we are feeling a little snackish after this, we will go to Fortnum & Mason for tea. I am torn as to whether to buy treats there or in Laduree across in Burlington Arcade to take to my friends Keith and Noreen, who are providing supper, a bed and a surrogate family for the evening.

On Sunday I have the whole day in London to myself.  I have decided nine trillion times what I will do with my time. I have settled on nothing as yet.  I am not worried that I will be bored.

Far from it.

Apart from explaining why I will be offline for the next day or two, and anticipating gluttony and excess I wanted to mention my plans for a reason.

I have always known that I am very like my mum in lots of ways.  Just how much became apparent today.

I mentioned in my last post about my total sartorial failure.  Add to this the fact that I am heavier than I have been since I gave birth to Tallulah, and that half of my things do not fit me any longer, I am hard pushed to scrub up nicely.

I don’t usually mind, except that I am going to The Wolseley for my lunch, and the last time I went to an establishment type restaurant (Simpsons in the Strand) they got a trifle aerated about my clothing (my top was too low cut for their liking), and it was all rather aggravating.

I had the morning to myself, before meeting my friend Diane for lunch (which helped the diet not one whit).  I decided to do an emergency dash to T.K. Maxx to see if I could find something suitable.  My big dilemma being that I am travelling light, and need to pack savvy and warm, as well as smart.  I felt that when I went in, I was demanding quite a lot from an item of clothing.

I searched the racks for an hour before leaving the shop with this item:

I am sure you will agree that I will look absolutely stunning in this.  It’s so big it fits Derek, whose head you can just make out, peeping over the top, so I should probably be able to stretch it to fit nicely as long as I wear some sturdy undergarments.

It reminded me of the time my mum had to go shopping for a very flash wedding she had received an invitation to.  She set off at nine in the morning bound for Leicester with a look of determination on her face. She came home in the evening with two, huge bags on the back seat.

They contained two, beautiful standard lamps from Habitat.

As you can well imagine, she looked a picture.

 

I go a little bit Gwyneth…

As you know from previous posts, I have been very, very lucky as a blogger.

I fell into it almost by accident, ended up with a randomly silly blogging handle because someone else was setting up my account and asked me to choose something on the spot, and was assigned WordPress because that was what my friend knew about.

It turns out that all this was a very happy accident. I have been blessed with five years of blogging that have given me very little grief, and a great deal of benefit.

When I talk about the benefits of blogging I am, of course, referring to non financial benefits.  Anyone looking at this blog or reading more than one blog post will know that I am clearly not in it for financial gain.

I cannot tell you how rich it makes me feel in other ways, and I would never want that to change.

I have made great friendships, both virtual and real. I have been given succour in my hours of need, and people to celebrate with in my moments of jubilation.

I have learned many new things; including how to get a stuck lock working when your key won’t turn properly (thank you Mrs. Jones), and where to source dungarees for a ten year old at very short notice (Home Office Mum you are a genius).  I have been given gifts, and recipes, and time and affection and a sympathetic ear when I needed to roar.  I have laughed until I have wept at the things you have shared with me. I have been touched by your confidences and felt happier for knowing you all.  My world would be an infinitely duller place if it weren’t for all the lovely people who comment and e-mail, and point me to stuff they know I will love.

I have found that contrary to popular belief, people are generous, and kind and thoughtful.  I have found that people will go that extra mile and then some.

I know I have written in this vein before, but I don’t think it hurts every now and again to mention the good stuff, especially when other bloggers are launching anti blog bitching campaigns (which I don’t have anything against, by the way).  I just think it is important to leaven things by being able to tell a blogging success story in terms of being absolutely bloody delighted with it all.

Today, again, I have been struck by an act of generosity by another blogger which has swept me off my feet.

Liberty London Girl (Sasha Wilkins), who you know I love as a blogger, and have a ridiculous passion for as a person (because she is a genuinely delightful human being, not because I want to lick her eyeball or anything), was kind enough to mention my blog in her online chat about blogging today which she hosted on behalf of Red Magazine Online

She was asked which bloggers she read herself and answered:

I read a lot of very random blogs. Most of-f all like blogs that give me a window into someone else’s world, as I find that fascinating. There’s a list on LLG of my top blogs to follow in 2010 which has everything from a woman in an African outpost to a Finnish expat in London. I do love KatyBoo A LOT

I am, as you can imagine, slightly over the moon about this. Sasha is listed as one of the 100 most influential British Twitter users, and won Red Magazine Blogger of the Year.  It’s a bit like being mentioned in passing by the Queen, but better, because we all know how I feel about the Queen.
I feel honoured to be recognised by Sasha because I genuinely love LLG.  I really do read her every day, and I absolutely admire her writing and her blogging ethics.
I am probably the least fashionable person you will ever meet. I seriously get dressed in the dark most days, and genuinely only run a brush through my hair once or twice a week. I am however, fascinated by the world of fashion, and Sasha’s blog offers a unique, unpretentious view of the fashion world that I find utterly addictive.
What I love about her blog is her refusal to compromise. She writes what she wants, when she wants, about everything from how to make fantastic soup, to where to get decent noodles in Munich, and what the best dog shampoo is for a grumpy dachshund.  Because of this I know that when she writes about something it is because she is genuinely enthused or occasionally properly enraged, and if she praises something she really means it.
When she writes, it is her voice I hear.
She is the real deal.
And to me, in a world where PR and marketing companies are slavering at the bit to get bloggers to endorse everything under the sun, this matters. I know I can trust her opinion completely.  I may not always agree with it, but I know I’m not being sold a pig in a poke just so that someone else can line their own pockets.
Finally, the thing that makes me admire her extra specially shinilily is that she has absolutely beautiful manners.  It does not matter how tired or busy she is, she makes time for her readers, answering their comments and queries with grace and good humour no matter how humble (Uriah).
I can absolutely vouch for this, because a couple of years ago I mailed her about a post she had written about a company (Selve) that makes affordable, bespoke shoes. I was desperately in need of a present for Jason, remembered the post, but couldn’t find it, and wondered if she would help.  I had never met her at that point. I was just A.N. Other reader.  She was in the middle of either a holiday or a fashion week, or some other thing where she really didn’t need to be bothered by me.
I expected either no answer (which does happen occasionally in these kind of circumstances), or an answer in a week or two.
I received a delightful e-mail within half an hour of having sent my original mail, and follow ups to make sure I had everything I needed.
I’ve been hooked ever since.
So you can imagine how much this means to me.
I am so proud I rang my mum.
That’s proud.

One Born Every Minute

I was reading mummypinkwellies blog post about the Channel Four documentary series: One Born Every Minute.  It is a programme which follows couples through the labour and birth of their children in a fly on the wall sort of way.

It is now into its third series, and I have a confession to make.

I have watched every single episode so far.

It is my guilty pleasure.  I know I only usually watch programmes about baking or things with Kirstie and Phil in them, but there you go.  I cannot help myself.  It is a total addiction.

Every single week I end up in tears when the baby is born.  Every, single, solitary week without fail.

I may not like the couple, I may find it frustrating, complicated, emotionally exhausting, but I cannot help but cry when that baby is born.

Tears of happiness.

In a big, girly, blubbering snotty way.

Like mummypinkwellies, I did not have the births of my dreams.  I did not suffer what she went through, and I am in no way drawing comparisons or trying to elicit sympathy, but the things I hoped and wished would happen when the time to have my babies came did not happen.

And it was a shock.

The first birth was the worst birth.  This was mainly because up to that point it had never occurred to me that I might not get to at least partially attempt to do things the way I wanted.  Instead I was so comprehensively rail roaded, the whole thing was a misery from beginning to end.

But on a positive note, I have three, healthy, thriving children and I am very, very grateful.

There are many others who are not so lucky, and my heart bleeds for them.

Nearly thirteen years down the line, I do not get angry any more that things did not go the way I wanted.  I think I would have, in the early years.  I suspect I may not have been able to watch this programme then.  I would have been too messed up about it all.

The passage of time has allowed me to make peace with what happened to me.  Writing about it here helped a lot too, way back when I decided to explore how I ended up having my children.

Now I watch with a kind of fascination as other couples go through this most complex and emotional of journeys.  I am stunned they let the cameras in, and slightly jealous of their bravery.  I admit that I do find watching it emotionally exhausting.  Sometimes it makes me laugh.  Sometimes it makes me sad.

Sometimes I am sad for the couples, who are obviously not all in the best place to be going through everything they are experiencing. Sometimes I feel sad, because happy as I am with my three, I still sometimes wish for another (only briefly before sanity kicks in), and know that it isn’t going to happen for so many reasons.

This evening though, I was humbled and privileged to watch the episode that aired yesterday.  It featured a couple called Trish and Steve.

Trish and Steve had been together for twenty five years.  This was their first baby.

Trish had been in a road traffic accident at the age of thirteen.  She was in a coma for weeks, and when she came out of it she sustained lasting brain damage which left her mentally and physically impaired.

She met Steve in a church choir when she was fifteen and he was 18.  She asked him out because she knew that as soon as she saw him, he was the one for her. They had been together ever since.

What struck me, as I watched them was their dignity, their bravery (you cannot tell me that they had not weathered a great deal together to get to this point), and  their total love for each other.

Trish was wonderful.  She was extremely affectionate, utterly frank and totally, devastatingly charming.  Steve spoke about how happy she was, and she certainly seemed so.  He talked about how he wasn’t sure if it was an effect of the damage she had sustained, but that if it was, it was basically a very wonderful place to be in, and you couldn’t help but agree.

What I liked most about Trish though, was that she was completely open about how she felt, and for the most part totally fearless.  She was so in love, and so excited to be having a baby, and the only things that worried her were that she didn’t know how to have a baby (and let’s face it, who does until you’ve done it?), and a worry that someone might try to take the baby away from her because she was disabled.

She needn’t have worried on that score.  The midwives were, to a woman, united behind giving this woman the best experience of birth she could possibly have. They championed her all the way, allayed her fears and cared for her with a ferocity that brooked no nay sayers.

Steve was adamant that any help that Trish received once the baby was born would be to help her to learn how to be a better mum, not to take charge of the baby, or take the baby away from her.  He was determined that she could and would be the best mother that their child could ever hope for, and his belief in her did not waver for an instant.  I thought he was a pretty magnificent husband, and if he is as proud a champion of his daughter as he is his wife, she will be one of the luckiest children in the world.

When their daughter, Elizabeth was born, everyone was in tears, including me, on my sofa, wrapped in my blanket, willing them to succeed in everything they set out to do together as a family.  In between the tears you could hear Trish saying: ‘I love you, Elizabeth. I love you. I love our baby.’  Her voice was shaking with emotion.

When Steve reached in to kiss his wife and daughter she looked up at him and said: ‘Can we take our baby home now please?’

And you just wanted him to say; ‘Yes’ and scoop them both up and run for the hills.

And after a slight delay that is what he did.

I really hope they get to be the family they want to be.  They deserve it.

The Tooth Fairy

Tomorrow we go to the dentist’s.

None of us are worried about this.  Which is a good thing.

I used to be terrified of the dentist as a child, and one of the legends of my childhood tells of the time I kicked the dentist in the mouth and hoofed it down three flights of stairs, almost to the door, before they caught up with me.

The bastards.

It didn’t help in later years when I watched Marathon Man.

Really, I went off the whole dentistry thing big time, and avoided going for hundreds of years.

Luckily, dentistry seems to have become a lot more touchy feely in these modern times, for which I am profoundly grateful.  I knew, after years of avoiding dentists like the plague, that I needed to woman up and go calmly for regular check ups and treatments once I had children.

It’s all very well having fears and phobias of your own, but passing them on to your children is not ideal.

My dentist is very competent, very calm, and a proponent of not hurting people. I like him.  The children like him.  They have never, ever had a problem with going to the dentist, even when it transpired that Matilda had a freakish shark tooth embedded in the roof of her mouth which required surgical intervention to remove.

Tomorrow, our visit involves no shark teeth, which is good.  Just regular check ups.

The two little ones were discussing dentistry and teeth in the car on the way to school this morning.  The subject of the tooth fairy arose.

You may recall that they are both very interested in the world of fairies.  Tallulah is the one who planted the seed of fascination in Oscar’s brain when she was going through a major obsession with the repellant and abhorrent works of the evil, brain dead, zombie that is Daisy Meadows, the author of several hundred fairy Rainbow Magic books.

Including the truly creepy: Kate The Royal Wedding Fairy (I shit you not).

Because of her extensive knowledge  of the subject, her immaculate persuasive powers and her ability to create fear in the hearts of many, Oscar regards Tallulah as the Queen of Fairy Land.  She is in total charge of the whole shooting match, and all the fairies are her slaves.

He told me this in a confessional mood of great solemnity and awe.

I am not sure where she stands in relation to Jack Frost. I am loathe to ask if they are married.  Oscar may divulge these details at a later date, depending on what Tallulah tells him, how worried he is by it, and how he fits it together with the rest of the fairy puzzle in his active little brain.

Do I want Jack Frost for a son-in-law?

Maybe if we are related he might stop my car getting iced up overnight during the Winter cold snaps (assuming we have any in future)? He might be of some use.

I don’t know.

I worry for the fairies at the mercy of Tallulah’s regime. I really do.  I imagine Fairy Land being under the sway of a queen with the gentleness of Margaret Thatcher mixed with the touchy, feely, humanitarian do gooding nature of Pol Pot.

No wonder there will be a war.

Tallulah is, undisputedly, the fount of all fairy knowledge.  She has moved way beyond whatever Daisy Meadows can conjure up; and with Oscar’s rich imaginings they are now investigating imaginative places most ordinary children hardly dare dream of.

Today though, Tallulah displayed an interesting gap in her knowledge.  The fact that she admitted to not knowing everything caused quite a stir in the back of our VW Polo this morning.  The indrawn breath of the other inhabitants of the car caused a small vacuum in the space time continuum.  It is almost unheard of for her to admit that there are things she does not know, particularly when she is riding so high in the estimation of others more lowly than herself.  There must be no chinks in her armour.

Perhaps she was feeling charitable, throwing us other, less important people a bone.  Perhaps she just hadn’t woken up properly by that stage.  I think that’s more like it.

Anyway, she suddenly said: ‘What do the tooth fairies do with all the teeth they collect?’

Which is a totally fair question.

I often wondered myself, back in the olden days.

You have to admit that it is a rum old game, being a tooth fairy.  Most fairies and magical creatures bring gifts, but they don’t take stuff away.  The fact that the tooth fairy actually pays children for their teeth posits the theory that teeth must be of considerable value to fairies.

There was an eerie silence after she had flung this question into the ether.  I think that I, as a woman who usually has an answer for most things and an opinion on everything (I don’t know where Tallulah gets her traits from. Hem hem.) was supposed to step straight in with an answer.

Because I had expected Tallulah to pontificate on such matters with a fully formed theory of her own, I was found wanting.  My brain was idling about in the back of my head, taking time off from thinking proper thoughts to concentrate on a) not killing us on the way to school and b) wondering if mum and dad would have the coffee pot brewing by the time I got to them.

I drew a blank.

The silence began to get a little uncomfortable.

Then Tallulah said: ‘I think they might turn them into jewels.’

Oscar liked this idea: ‘Yes, rubies and emeralds and diamonds.’

I had caught up by this stage.  I said: ‘I read a book once where the tooth fairies collected the teeth and used them like bricks to make fairy palaces.’

They were both impressed by this idea because it struck them as slightly macabre and a bit ‘ewww’.  We like things that are a bit ‘ewww’ in our house.

They imagined great castles of bony protruberances with pointy gates and turrets made of incisors, shivering and giggling at the terrible thought.

After a few minutes Oscar said: ‘I think not all the tooth fairies live in castles made of lots of teeth.  I ‘spect some of the fairies are quite small and one small one could live in one tooth.’

I was waiting for him to suggest that they might live inside the teeth that are still in your mouth, and that them hatching from the teeth is what causes your baby teeth to push out.

Luckily he did not make that leap, because that might have unsettled him as much as the thought unsettled me, and I’m forty and I don’t believe in the tooth fairy, being  as how it is me what has to do the tooth removal and the paying and everything, and I’m far too big to fit inside a milk tooth, or indeed a fully grown up molar.

Instead he asked me if I thought the dentist was ready to take all his baby teeth out and put his grown up teeth in yet.

Which was a whole other gruesome conversation, but one which I felt qualified to deal with, rather than another more esoteric jaunt into the realms of faerie.

I run away for the day

I had a sneaking off day today.

Mum and Dad invited me on one of their antique treasure hunting trips.  I jumped at the chance.

I don’t usually get to go with them, as they tend to start early and finish late when they have the bit between their teeth.  These types of trips do not fit in well with dropping off and picking up children from school.

Jason is not working at the moment, so he agreed to pick the children up from school so I could go poking about in dusty boxes with a clear conscience.

I do love a bit of treasure hunting.

We went to Heanor, which is on the Derbyshire/Nottinghamshire border.  It is an unprepossessing ex mining town, but slap bang in the middle is an enormous, rambling old building, stuffed to the rafters with a heady mix of junk and antiques.  Sometimes you find treasure. Sometimes you find nowt.

I have been with them before, but with the children in tow, and it is hard work keeping their hands from wandering, as the place really is stuffed to the gunnels, and you have to inch your way around some of it.  It’s a bit nervous making, even if you’re a grown up.

Today I saw lots of lovely things, but nothing that made me froth with desire.  There were a few things I thought about, and if I had seen them on their own in a charity shop, say, I would almost certainly have bought them, but the cumulative effect of seeing hundreds of rather nice things tends to be a) overwhelming and b) make me a bit more picky.  I resisted temptation.

It was fun to look though.  There was everything from vintage clothes, to knackered old dolls with their eyes poked out, to African fetish masks.  My fetish, as you know, is pottery, particularly old blue and white things. I don’t care if they’re battered, or bashed or pre loved. I just want them. In quantity.

I was very impressed that I didn’t come out with lots of bags filled with cracked saucers and odd tea cups.

Maybe I’m growing up.

Maybe I’m aware that I’m going to London for the weekend and I’d better behave myself beforehand.

After we had finished spending a couple of hours furtling around in the dust and grime, we popped into Ikea, which is just up the road.  We had a very agreeable lunch.  I had confit of duck with potatoes cooked in stock and duck fat.  It was very, very tasty.

We drifted aimlessly around the store, which I quite enjoy visiting as long as I don’t actually have a list of things I need to buy from there.  I nearly bought a carafe.  I nearly bought a picture.  I did not.

I picked up my car from mum and dad’s, after a lovely day, and popped into the charity shop that sits at the bottom of their road on my way home.  I spent the princely sum of £3 on 6 1950′s saucers, and 3 small, modern espresso cups and saucers, and considered myself rich.

A very satisfying day indeed.

What kids read

I took the girls with me to the library on Thursday after school.  We had been so busy in the run up to Christmas that library visits fell off the map, and one of my New Year’s resolutions is to put them firmly back on.

Oscar was too poorly to come with us, which was actually quite nice.  He is very good in the library, but it is a fairly large and busy space with lots of places to hide, and he does zoom about a lot, which means I spend more time making sure he hasn’t been kidnapped than I do looking at books.  The girls just get on with things and know enough to make an enormous fuss if someone tries to kidnap them, so I have more freedom to wander while they pick what they want.

I hit pay dirt as soon as I walked in, spying Jeffrey Eugenides; ‘The Marriage Plot’ on the new release shelves.  This has been on my Amazon wish list for months. I loved; The Virgin Suicides and Middlesex, and was beginning to get depressed that he didn’t write more prolifically, so I was thrilled with this.  Then I rifled the ‘classic’ shelves and came up with Doctor Zhivago by Boris Pasternak, which I have seen but never read, and A Kestrel for a Knave by Barry Hines.

I stopped after this. My obsession with borrowing and buying books is outstripping my ability to read them (as usual), and the piles of books surrounding my bed are beginning to look more like walls than piles at the moment.  I am sure it is all part of my deep seated need to hibernate until Spring, but it is beginning to get dangerous, so I looked no further.

I was mulling over ‘A Kestrel for a Knave’ as I was driving back from the library.  It is one of those books that most people read at school, but I never did.  It led me into a train of thought about what books people are forced to read at school and why, and whether the titles have changed much over the years.

When I was at high school I was put in the top set for English, thus sealing my fate forever.  As the top set we were not encouraged to read popular novels at all.  I am amazed when people tell me what they read for GCSE and A Level.  Most of it totally passed me by.

My research has shown me that most people passing through the school system will have read:

  • Animal Farm by George Orwell
  • To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
  • A Kestrel for a Knave by Barry Hines
  • Lord of the Flies by William Golding
  • Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck
  • The Old Man and the Sea by Ernest Hemingway
  • The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger
  • The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald

I never read any of these at school.  Somehow I feel cheated by this.  Lots of people seem to hold these books in great esteem, and look back on them with some fondness, even though most of them are utterly miserable.  I have now read them all apart from Kestrel, which I am soon to remedy.

I didn’t like any of them except for; ‘To Kill a Mockingbird’ and ‘The Great Gatsby,’ which I consider to be works of genius in every way, and which are thoroughly deserving of the classic status they have, although I do prefer Fitzgerald’s ‘Tender is the Night.’  I also love Orwell, particularly ’1984′, but not ‘Animal Farm’ which annoys the snot out of me.

I can see why the other books were picked. They are reasonably short, and there is quite a lot of meat on the bone if you need to write endless essays about them, but I do wonder why children can’t be given things to read which are a little more upbeat and cheery.  I also wonder if I would have liked these books more, had I been forced to read them at school.

No wonder we grow up warped.

I cannot recall much that I read at school that I look back on with fondness.

We did a lot of Shakespeare.  We were being trained.  We did Romeo and Juliet in depth at GCSE.  It is a play I hated.  It is a play I still hate, despite having seen it  performed well, and on film, and being able to quote large chunks of it.  At ‘A’ Level we did The Merchant of Venice, which I also hate with a passion.  We did Hamlet, which I hate less, but still, it wasn’t love at first sight.  We also read a lot of the comedies and a few of the other tragedies.

I struggle to recall if we read any novels.  I have a vague recollection of reading two awful books; ‘The Snow Goose’ by Paul Gallico, and ‘A Kid for Two Farthings’ by Wolf Mankowitz.  I think we may have read those in middle school. I do remember being upset by both of them, and taking a passionate loathing against them.

I think in high school we read; ‘The Pearl’ by John Steinbeck. This was horrific and miserable, and cemented the foundations of my life long aversion to Steinbeck.  I have tried to remedy this in recent years by revisiting Steinbeck, but I still loathe him.  I recommend, if you have to read anything of his, that you read Mice and Men. It is short, it is extraordinarily well written, and it is Steinbeck in a nutshell.  You will never have to read anything else of him again, essence of Steinbeck already having been ingested.

We did read short stories. We had an anthology of short stories we had to read and memorise at GCSE.  These included works by D.H. Lawrence, F. Scott Fitzgerald and Dylan Thomas.  They were all miserable.  There was a lot of death, quite a lot of disappointment, a lot of shattering of illusions and much drink taken.  I vividly remember the image of a dead fox on a dung heap.  I think that sums up the entire anthology, frankly.

I have read novels and plays by all these authors in later life, and loved them, but I don’t know whether I was too young to appreciate a decent short story, or they just weren’t great short stories.  I just remember my heart sinking on short story days.

For GCSE we also did a lot of poetry.  We did Tennyson, Keats and Shelley in large quantities.  I still get the giggles when I think of the poem Mariana of the Moated Grange.  My friend had to recite it in front of the class and opened with the title: ‘Mariana of the Groated Mange.’  We wept.  She wept. The teacher could not restore order for at least twenty minutes.

I remember the poetry with more fondness than anything else we did. Most of it went over my head at the age of 15, but I have a deep fondness for the poems Tithonus and Ulysses by Tennyson and quite a lot of Keats.  I thought, and still do, that Shelley was a bit of a twit.

For ‘A’ Levels they wheeled out the old chestnut of the First World War poets.  We did the obligatory dash round Siegfried Sassoon and then spent the rest of our lives immersed up to our necks in Wilfred Owen; ‘Rocking purgatorially in the twilight.’  My dad was of the opinion that we won the First World War by dint of copying out Owen’s poems translated into German, wrapping them round bricks and then heaving them over into enemy lines. The Germans would then read them and fall on their own bayonets in despair.

It may have some truth in it.

I was very envious of my friend, who was in a different set to me, and who got to do; ‘Waiting for Godot’ by Samuel Beckett, ‘Richard II’ by Shakespeare, and ‘The Wasteland’ by T.S. Eliot, which seemed much more progressive and modern.  I studied these at university and loved them, although I do wonder if I’d have loved them as much when I was sixteen.  I expect I would have been alarmed and baffled to be honest.  She seemed to be.

The main criteria then for introducing young minds to great literature in my opinion seem to be:

  • Pick short classics
  • Pick miserable classics
  • Pick dead authors so they can’t complain.
  • Preferably pick things by blokes, white blokes.

I don’t know if this has changed. Tilly has yet to get to GCSE stage.  I was heartened last year when her teacher chose Skellig by David Almond for them to read.  It is a work of genius, Almond is still alive, and it is a book full of hope and beauty.  It is also written for children, not in a patronising way, because it is far from patronising, but in a way that makes the huge themes it is talking about accessible and meaningful.

This year she has Romeo and Juliet to read, so maybe the rot has already set in.  I am slightly depressed by this.

I have been thinking about what things I would get kids to read, both to teach them, and to enthuse them into a life long love of books.  It’s not easy.

I have not come up with any firm favourites yet, but I have broad ideas I would follow:

Don’t study the work of ‘a’ poet, study great poems by many poets, in many different styles, and from many different ages. Read everything out loud.  Perform and listen.

Pick plays that you can take students to see performed. I struggled with Shakespeare for years on the page until someone took me to see the play I was studying on stage.  It was like a lightbulb being turned on.  After years of misery I suddenly ‘got’ it.

Teach kids to read out loud, whatever they are reading. It really helps to understand the point of grammar and punctuation if you have to read out loud.

Even if you have set books to read, why not pick something once a week that the kids are actually reading themselves because they want to, and do a lesson on that. It might make them feel that what they are reading is not worthless, or separate from ‘good’ literature.

Finally, a broad recommendation would be to get the teachers to read. Not read to the class, but actually read themselves.  I find that quite a few of the teachers I encounter, who are entrusted with the education of my child, don’t seem to read any of the books they give my children to read.  How can you teach a child about literature, or advise them on their reading, if you don’t read for pleasure yourself, and you haven’t read any of the books you are handing out willy nilly?

I have set myself the task of thinking about specific books I would teach as a going to sleep exercise.

Any suggestions?

Joyce Carol Oates

I have been hibernating.

I have been eating, sleeping and reading, and trying to interact as little as possible with the rest of the human race.  I have still done homework, laundry, food related drudgery and cat wrangling.  We are all still clean and functional, but everything else has been pared to the bone.

It has done me the world of good.  I surfaced from my self-imposed exile this morning feeling like a human being again.  I am all in favour, and so, I think, is everyone else.

Yesterday I was not angry.  Yesterday I was sad and despairing. When I was awake, which thankfully was not very much of the time.

So I do not have much to talk to you about except books, because books are absorbing, they don’t answer back, they don’t mind if I am cross or tired or sad, and they give my brain peace like nothing else.

I have read a couple of novels for review, the less said about which the better frankly.  I cannot recommend them, so I will gloss over the details.  I was slightly annoyed that they took up so much of my time, but am happy now they have gone away, never to be seen again.

I am getting on with my great American literature project.  I finished reading Joyce Carol Oates; ‘Mother, Missing’.

I’ve never read any of her work before, but it seems that she is a prolific and much feted author.  I feel her fame must be wider in the US than here, as I don’t think I am aware of anyone else who has ever spoken to me about her books or recommended anything by her.

It was an interesting read.  It is about a woman who is the baby of the family, the rebel and outsider, who reluctantly visits her mother one day to find that she has been murdered, and that she is the first one to discover the body.

I’m not giving anything away here, it’s all in the synopsis. The story isn’t really a crime novel, and the perpetrator is caught very early on in the book.  The murder is used as a lens through which the author examines the relationship between a mother and a daughter, and what falls away and what remains after such a shocking event.

I was intrigued by it.  I can’t say it was a brilliant book, but it was engaging.  It kept me turning the pages. I was interested enough to read it in one sitting, and some of the aspects of the novel have stayed with me.  I was surprised by how easy it was to read. I had expected it to be dense and forbidding, but it wasn’t. In some ways it reminded me a little of the work of Jonathan Tropper, an author I admire very much.  There was also an echo of Anne Tyler.  It’s that kind of domestic drama, but which has plenty of thoughtfulness and levels of interpretation in it.

Oates also seems interested in violence, and how it shapes us, what it does to us emotionally as well as physically, and how we respond to it either as the perpetrators of violence or when violence is done to us.  There is a noirish element to her work that I really like. If it hadn’t been there in this book I think I would have found it too touchy feely and saccharine.  It gives her work edge, and bite.

The characterisation was a little patchy. The heroine didn’t always ring true for me, and I found myself a little frustrated by a certain amount of clumsiness in the way she was written, but I think it was because Oates was more interested in the dynamic of the relationships rather than the character herself.

I was intrigued enough to have tracked down a copy of Oates book; Blonde, which is her fictional take on the life of Marilyn Monroe, and one of the books Oates  thinks she will be most remembered for.  I am really looking forward to reading it.

Yet again, another strike for female American authors as opposed to male American authors.  Maybe I have found my groove.

Pah

I have been in a very, very grumpy mood since yesterday evening.  I’m not entirely sure why that is, as there really is nothing to be grumpy about, but there you have it.

I’ve been as prickly as a hedgehog, and am torn between wanting to snarl and snap at everyone, and just hide under the duvet and pretend that the world doesn’t need me right now.

If I hadn’t just finished a period I would swear I was starting one.

It is not an ideal state.  It was just me and the children last night, and it would have been much better had it been me, or the children.  UE dropped them back fed and watered (which is unusual, frankly), but they still had homework to do, as well as the usual Sunday night routine to make Monday that little bit less hideous.

I was not in the mood to help Tallulah research the history of China, and construct a play about things that happen in Brazil.  I was not excited at the prospect of watching her construct a puppet theatre to re-enact a short story they had read about the sacrament of marriage.

Trying to explain the repercussions of the Cultural Revolution and the idea of freedom of speech and political choice and religion, at seven thirty at night was about as easy as it sounds.  We got side tracked on several occasions, particularly over the Chinese occupation of Tibet.  She probably thinks now that the Dalai Lama has bound feet and rides a horse made of clay in the Olympic eventing team.

Tilly is doing a project on Canada, so in between Tallulah’s questions and thoughts we were discussing the Yukon, the North-West Passage, gold panning and potatoes.

After they had gone to bed I went for a small lie down on the sofa, and woke up three hours later in a muck sweat after having had some very alarming dreams in which people kept baring their teeth at me prior to trying to eat me.

I think some of my inner rage was making itself felt.

This morning I thought I might feel better, but not really.  I am so very, very angry.  I am not sure who with, or what with.  Probably myself I suspect, but over what remains unclear.

I have been a good girl, and not given in to my desire to chuck things through the kitchen windows and run screaming for the hills.  I have, instead, baked two cakes, and cooked two meals today.  My friend Michelle came for lunch, so I cooked a carrot cake in celebration.  I haven’t seen her for months, and it was really nice to catch up.  Usually we go into town and allow ourselves to be waited on, but we are both trying to be good with our finances after Christmas, so I volunteered my services instead.

It is also Jason’s birthday today, hence the second cake.  He does not like carrot cake. He likes Victoria sponge with a thin layer of strawberry jam (no lumps) and whipped cream in the middle.  It is traditional on his birthday for me to bake this for him, and serve him meat and potatoes before cake.  We had steak and baby potatoes with salad, as a nod to healthiness. Then we all fell face first into the cake (my second helping of the day).

We have sung heroic songs of birthday cheer, and clapped and hip hip hoorah’d.  We have strewn presents about with gay abandon.  We have presented cards and carefully crafted models and pictures and ‘things’ the children have made.  Maltesers have been eaten.  Gin is about to be consumed.

He will not dare to have another birthday for at least twelve months.

This is good.

My cake is bobbing about uneasily on the remains of my anger.  I’m going to go and dance about in the living room with the children in a minute in an attempt to shift some cake and some rage.

Normal service may be resumed tomorrow.