Day twenty-four has only just started, but it’s my birthday so I’m writing my blog now while there are still twenty-four hours of unsullied possibility ahead of me. It might seem a trifle previous, but with the world the way it is at the moment, I’m taking no chances.
I think, as long as none of my loved ones do anything daft, it will be ok as birthdays go. I have definitely had worse. Two of them were spent in the throes of miscarrying babies, so, you know, at least I’m not doing that. No amount of balloons can make that a jolly experience and even cake didn’t really take the edge off.
I have expounded at great length to anyone who will let me about my hatred of forced celebrations and the idea that everything has to be done in certain ways on certain days. Some days you’re just not in the mood for a rousing chorus of Happy Birthday, even if it is your birthday, because maybe you’re not really feeling happy and maybe going along with it to make everyone else feel better is a sure fire way of making you feel even more unhappy. Maybe you can choose to have your birthday on any day you like. Obviously if you want people to get involved, you’re going to need to give them notice, but otherwise, it could be any day. It could be any day that you feel like celebrating being on this earth and how many years you’ve been on it.
I’m not saying that I am unhappy right now. I’m good. I’m also sad, but I’m very much also good. It will be a good birthday. I know lots of people I love will message me and talk to me, and I will be surrounded by some of the people I love most in the world, and the ones I am not with, well, I will see them soon and squeeze them until their ribs squeak and I will annoy them by incessantly patting them because they are there in the flesh and I can, and they will be so fed up with me, and oh, it will be the grandest thing of all to be irritating the life out of them in the actual flesh.
And I know that sentence was ridiculous, but I don’t care.
So I am going to eat cake. I am going to probably eat two cakes (small, or maybe not so small) – because it is simply not on to not eat cake on your birthday or indeed any day ending in the letters d-a-y. I am going to eat rare steak and home made chips for my tea. I am going to kiss my people and air kiss my missing people. I am going to read my book. I shall drink coffee all morning until I get the jitters. I shall play Scrabble with my mum and dad (online). I shall talk nonsense with my lovely daughter who is not here. I shall talk nonsense with my lovely daughter and son who are very much here. I shall tweak my husband’s beard and we will certainly talk more nonsense than all the rest of them put together. I might get a snog, if I’m lucky.
I will be.
It will, in fact, be a day very much like all the others, and that is absolutely fine, because I try to live my best life every day and not save it for my birthday because that’s only once a year and it would be sad to only live my best life once a year.
When all this is done and the world is a different place forever, I will go adventuring in it with some of my best beloveds and paint the town red, although I’d prefer to paint it green because I think it’s a more soothing colour. But even then, it will be the people that make it best, not the things. I am very blessed in people, it has to be said. Today I am happysad because they aren’t here, but I’m on a promise, so it’s all good in the end.