Dear Some Men.
I cannot just say men, because ‘not all men’, for which I am profoundly grateful. Let me define the kind of men I’m talking to.
The man I don’t know who called me a stupid ‘split arse cunt’ just for going on a march.
The man who wanted a plane full of marchers going to the Washington DC march to crash and burn to rid the world of ugly, feminist people. And the people who cheered him on.
The men who said that feminism is only for ugly, fat dykes who haven’t got anything better to do. Let’s include the ones who said, ‘thank fuck that fat women finally got off their arses to exercise’. Only fat women are feminists apparently, and lesbians. Remind me to tell Mark Gatiss. I stood next to him on Saturday. He’ll be delighted to know he’s a fat lesbian.
And body shaming? It’s so 2016. Who gives a fuck what size you are or what you look like? And if we want to go down that route, the USA have just elected a man that looks like a shrivelled satsuma with a combover and a cat’s arse instead of a mouth.
And lesbianism is an insult? Ha!
The men who said that if women only had a cock inside them they’d learn how to shut the fuck up. We can cluster that with the one who said that we should all be forcibly impregnated and the one who said we should get back to the fucking kitchen and learn our place.
The men who said that women don’t deserve safe, legal abortions because they should learn not to be slags/keep their legs shut/stop fucking around. The same men who denied any responsibility for any part of the sexual act, who denied that contraception fails, who denied that rapes happen.
The men who said that children who think feminism is a good idea are brainwashed. This goes with the one who told me this morning that he didn’t believe my 13 year old had asked to go on the march because it’s a fact that ‘children can’t think for themselves’.
The men who wished all women on the march to die horribly.
The men who kept shouting about how we were all wasting our time marching and didn’t see the irony of wasting their time spending hours repeatedly telling women what to do and how to think about things. I include the men who deliberately joined a women’s group page to tell the women on their own page to shut the fuck up.
The men who wished all women who were on the march to be raped repeatedly. There were several variations on this. The word ‘skank’ got used a lot, along with repeated use of the word ‘cunt’ and threats of cutting and other acts of violence, sexual and just downright physical. I expect they don’t believe in safe, legal abortion either.
The men who said: ‘Why are you bothering to march, you have no problems. Tell me what problems you have. You are equal,’ while conveniently ignoring the death threats, rape threats, insults, slurs and defamation they were posting their ‘you are equal’ comments in the middle of. That doesn’t include their ignoring of the gender pay gap, the glass ceiling, the lack of representation in many career choices, the cutting of refuges for victims of domestic violence, the woman killed every three days by a man in this country.
The men who asked why we weren’t protesting sharia law, Saudi Arabian politics, cruelty to animals etc, because apparently you can only do, be and think one thing or your tiny, female brain overheats.
This is from Tony. Tony wants to know why we didn’t march to protect girls in Rotherham being raped. He won’t accept that people did. He won’t march himself because, ‘I’m not a woman, duh.’ And this: ‘I only march for serious issues, not with a load of stupid slags who don’t know what they want.’ When you tell Tony you did march he tells you you’re a fucking liar. When you tell him exactly what you want, he calls you a slag. Tony thinks we’re all munters except his wife who thinks we’re all cunts. Tony doesn’t march. Tony doesn’t do anything but dictate to women what they should and shouldn’t do and then repeatedly refers to their vaginas when they don’t. Apparently Tony doesn’t have any problems finding pussy. He’s ‘dipped a few.’ I bet his wife is happy about that.
Fred posted just now. Apparently he gave some chips to homeless people in Skegness on Sunday. Why can’t we be more like Fred instead of being women with ‘ a filthy mouth and are crude too. There is no demure lady in you. Your prob the dopey bird who walked around with the fanny on her head. You carry on your march , your protest . We just laugh at , birds, like you’. Fred doesn’t think women are capable of doing more than one thing. Fred is superior because he fed chips to a homeless person. Fred thinks women come from eggs because he keeps repeatedly referring to their avian ancestry. Fred doesn’t believe in multi tasking, or spelling, or punctuation.
Tony can’t support women’s lib because he’s still mad about World War I. Apparently we mention ‘Nothing at all about sending millions of men to their death during world war 1, the women’s lib took up the white feather issue to help men win wars’. Tony is a man who holds a grudge, and demonstrates publicly a spectacular failure to grasp historical facts.
These are the tame quotes. I’ll spare you the rest.
The men who cried ‘fake’ news at the numbers of people, the diversity of people, the lack of violence and damage done despite the evidence pouring in minute after minute on social media for the last three days from every possible source.
To the men who persistently call us feminazis, because wanting equality of opportunity for all is exactly the same as sending six million people to their deaths because you believe blonde hair and blue eyes look nicer in the photographs.
To the man who said to me this morning in response to seeing my daughter marching under a WEP banner saying no to hate. ‘What hate?’ I respectfully point to the above.
To the men who denied the government report that 1 in 3 girls experience some kind of sexual misconduct in school from groping to verbal abuse to rape. To the man in particular who told me I was stupid to think that girls in schools get raped.
To the men who have called us foul mouthed for using the word pussy and cunt while advocating violence to all fucking, ugly cunts. Apparently you can rape a woman to death and that’s fine because you’re just showing her her place, but if a woman says cunt, the world literally ends.
To these men and all the others who have come crawling, and I use the words advisedly, out from the woodpile in their thousands since Saturday I have this to say.
Your mother, believe it or not, is one of us. She is a woman. She has a vagina or a ‘cunt’ as you might prefer to say. When she conceived you, she was having hot, sweaty, sex with a man. She carried you in her womb for forty weeks, during which time you were responsible for many ravages on her poor body from stretch marks to swollen boobs to piles. Then she probably pushed you out of her vagina. She’s probably not someone you’d say was beautiful in the way you expect women to be. She doesn’t have to be. She’s your mum. If she marched, would you call her an ugly, fat slag for marching?
Your sister, believe it or not, is one of us. She has tits and a cunt and an ass. She has holes that men like you think it’s their right to violate any way they like. They want to push her up against a wall and fuck her till she bleeds. They want to rape her and leave her ruined and sobbing and guilty, possibly diseased, possibly carrying the baby that you want to deny her the right to abort. She walks down the street avoiding cat calls from people like you. She goes to school wearing leggings and PE shorts over her knickers, praying that today, boys like you won’t put their hands up her skirt. She knows men who look at her like they’re banging her every which way from Sunday and it makes her skin crawl.
Your wife, believe it or not, is one of us. She probably let other men fuck her before you. She bleeds from her vagina every month, just like we do. She probably doesn’t look like a supermodel either. Is it alright with you if someone like you calls her a lesbian bull dyke because she doesn’t look like Cyndi Crawford, because there are men that want to? She has to think about how safe she is when she goes out at nights with her mates, just like we do. She probably carries her keys splayed through her knuckles just in case someone jumps her. She might walk down the middle of the road when she’s alone, just in case someone jumps out of a hedge and tries to rape her. She thinks about this all the time, even if she doesn’t tell you. She might not even consciously think she thinks it, because it’s second nature most of the time for a woman to try to keep herself out of harm’s way, and by harm, I mean men’s way. Men like you.
And this goes for your grandmothers who are also women just like us, and who, if they live alone, probably panic when the door bell rings in case it’s men like you who pretend they’re there to read the meter but force their way into her house because they like to fuck and beat up old ladies, and don’t say it doesn’t happen. It happens. It happens all the time.
And it goes for your daughters and nieces, your beautiful baby daughters and toddlers and little girls, the little girls who sit on your knee and make you feel like a million dollars as you burst with protective pride. The little girls whose tiny hand fits inside your large one like it was always meant to be there and who believe you are keeping her safe, until they find out you aren’t.
They are us. We are them. They will grow into women like us and they will be used and abused by men like you. And don’t say they don’t. 1 in 3 women in the UK experiences harassment and worse.
I know it’s fear that drives you. That’s what hate is at bottom, just fear. And I understand why you fear us. You’ve been doing this to us for so long you fear that when (and I use this word advisedly), we get equality, we’ll use our power to do this to you, to take revenge, because it’s what you would do.
Well think again. We’ve got better things to do with our time and our energy. We’re about building, not destroying. We’re about inclusion and fairness and tolerance and love for ALL, and that includes you. It worked on Saturday. It will work again. Why not try working with us. It will work for you.
In the meantime.
The rapists, the perverts, the abusers, the murderers, the men who think it’s acceptable to troll women to the point of a nervous break down, the stalkers, the men who deny responsibility, the men who say women deserve what they get, the men who say only bad girls get their just deserts. The domestic abusers. The gas lighters. Those men. They don’t know that those women are ‘YOUR’ women. They don’t know not to touch your wife on the street. They don’t see the sign round your daughter’s neck that says ‘hands off.’ They don’t think your grandmother is exempt from their attentions because she’s related to you. They see what you see. They see minge, cunt, pussy. They see bodies up for grabs, dumb fuck, asking for it, uptight girls who need to be shown their place and that place is under a man either physically or emotionally or both.
Every time you post the stuff you do, every time you open your mouth and spew hatred, advocate violence, turn a blind eye, make it a woman’s fault or responsibility you are giving men like you permission to do this to women like us, and one day it will be your woman.
And when she’s broken, and battered and full of shame and bloodied and bruised we won’t ostracise her because she’s your woman. We’ll accept her. We will support her, love her, stand up for her, give her comfort, reach out to her, make her welcome in an unwelcome world, because despite what you say and think, she was always and will always be one of us and we are one with her.