Normal Service Will Be Resumed When We Vote for Owen

Dear Blog Readers

Yesterday was a very sticky olidee day so we tried to spend a lot of time indoors. We went to see the Georgia O’Keeffe exhibition at Tate Modern and ended up in the choir stalls of St. Pauls for evensong, where it was very cool, and I am ashamed to say I fell slightly asleep. I woke up in that jerking, embarrassed way, being watched by a beady eyed disapproving lady who knew all the words to the psalms. In my defence, I did not snore.

Love from Mrs. Boo

And now to politics, of a kind. Although I vote that we rename politics, squabbling for cash.

I have cast a brief and withering eye over the shenanigans in the Labour party (also, is it just me, or does the word party seem increasingly wrong here?) in the last day or two.

My children are mostly old enough to get themselves ready for a family day out now. Apart from me having to repeat myself nine hundred times before we leave the house, and inevitably refrain from killing one of them when they have equally as inevitably discovered that they have forgotten something just at the point it is massively inconvenient to go back.  Having said that, they are also old enough to accept that we won’t go back, and if they moan about whatever it is they have forgotten, it is entirely within my rights to tie them to a sapling and abandon them.

When they were small though, there was that awful period when every journey was an absolute chore because of all the stuff and things, and constantly having to round up escapees, and them unpacking bags as you’re packing bags, and them piddling themselves on the door step just as you are congratulating yourself that you are all sorted. One of them would casually get undressed, or throw a shoe into the washing machine. One of them would start crying (me, usually), and one of them would pronounce they had an itchy head and you wouldn’t have time to check for nits, but you would be worrying about it all day.

By the time you were ready to leave, you would be four hours late, whatever you were planning to go for would be forgotten or over, and yet you would go out anyway, because otherwise you would just sit on the bottom step of the stairs tearing your hair out while small children stare at you in wide eyed fascination because ‘mummy is poorly.’

It passes. You never think it will, but it does.

Apparently, despite the Labour party being older than the hills, for them it doesn’t.

When the Conservative party imploded, they sorted their house out in fairly sharpish order, fully aware that a united party would come out of things looking way better than one still arsing about in the hall with one shoe on, shoving its sister into the shoe cupboard roaring: ‘NO! You find it!’ Even if they didn’t have a bloody clue what they were actually doing.

You would think that Labour would, at this point, have had a good look at what the Tories were doing and thought: ‘Shit. They have a point.’

But no.

They are currently being taken to the small claims court, thanks to the Trade Descriptions act, by disgruntled members who were promised the chance to vote and then denied it. They are taking each other to court as soon as anyone opens their mouth to say anything that anyone else disagrees with. They are still failing to come out with anything coherent to say to soothe the ruffled nerves of millions of people who are desperate to see a strong opposition to both Brexit and the Tories, and their leadership race still has two months to run. A leadership race that should not have been necessary in the first place.

Angela Eagle has stepped down from the race today. I wonder if she will be using her Angela banners to launch that Slimming World campaign I was talking about? It seems a waste otherwise. Maybe she’ll hang them in the downstairs toilet in her house. It seems to me that Angela has done a bit of a Leadsom on everyone. ‘Oooh, I will stand. I have the courage of my convictions and am sure I am the right person for the job.’ Spool forward a week: ‘Oooh. I won’t stand now if you don’t mind. I’ve got a bit of a bad leg, and it’s hot, you know? I’m sure Owen Smith is the right person for the job.’ What was the bloody point of all that effort and aggravation? Angela is the child who keeps unpacking the bag as you’re packing it. What a monumental waste of time. Although at least Theresa May can now step down the spies she’d posted to inform her every time Angela was about to make a speech.

That should save us a few bob.

So now we have Owen Smith running for leader against Corbyn. Owen used to work for  Pfizer, on a board that worked to try and persuade the government that patients needed more choice under the NHS, i.e. the choice to buy outrageously expensive pharmaceuticals from Pfizer and privatise chunks of the NHS.

Owen says that this is not actually true. He is, he says, devoted to the NHS being free at the point of use. He has a poster of Nye Bevan over his bed to prove it. He’ll show you it if you buy this slightly used paracetamol from him. An absolute bargain at £14 a packet.

Owen also says that the reason we should vote for him is that he is a ‘normal’ man.

He is normal, apparently, because he has a wife and three children. He is normal because he drinks beer and listens to Bruce Springsteen. He is normal because his wife has the normal job of being a primary school teacher.

This statement has caused a fair amount of outrage in recent days. Owen has responded by saying that this is not actually true. Apparently it has been taken out of context. Much like reports of his work at Pfizer.

‘This has been taken out of context,’ will no doubt be the tag line on Owen’s campaign banners. These will be made by horny handed men of the soil, toiling at the coal face of normality, woven from the hopes and aspirations of the normal, working man. Like Owen. A vote for Owen is a vote for normality.

Owen wants us to believe that he is the child standing quietly at the door, shoes on, coat buttoned up, hanky in his pocket, clean face, waiting patiently for mummy to finish dealing with the other naughty children so that we can go out and win.

That’s not normal, Owen. Trust me on this.




12 responses to “Normal Service Will Be Resumed When We Vote for Owen

  1. Brilliantly funny and spot on in every way. I can’t believe Jez won’t win this contest so save everyone the agony and get on with the job these people were elected to do. For the moment there is no prospect of an election so protesting is all that is required of Jez and he seems quite good at that! Worry about an electable leader further down the road to 2020.

  2. I have spent most of my life trying to see both sides of the argument (if that makes me sound like Mother Theresa trust me I’m not even close) it usually helps me to make some kind of sense out of events. Recently I have had to try to process so much nonsense that I seem to have short circuited. I am also hamstrung by the fact that I can not be detached about any of this shit because it is so important, a fact that seems to have escaped many of the leading players, not to mention some insanely partisan members of the public. This isn’t a bloody game, it is a crisis. Not just politically or economically but socially, culturally and pretty much any other kind of ally you can think of.
    So why the hell isn’t anyone dealing with it?
    I have been a life long Labour voter and, despite the fact that for most of my adult life I have lived in constituencies where the Conservatives could have pinned a rosette on a donkey and it would have been duly returned as an MP, I have only missed one opportunity to vote (I was so ill I couldn’t lift my head off the pillow let alone stagger to the polling station). I haven’t always agreed with the LP but they have been the option closest to what I do believe in and (in my case) more importantly, an effective opposition to what I definitely don’t believe in.
    To say I am beyond disgusted with their performance post brexit would be to mildly understate the case. To be honest I have been pretty unimpressed for some time now (and I was a Corbyn supporter). This bitch fest/back stabbing extravaganza is entirely missing the point, they should have been doing the job they were elected, and being paid, to do. The irony is that they are becoming unelectable regardless of who is supposedly in charge. What price all the machinations now?

  3. At the risk of sounding like a monumental suck-up kid, love this blog x

  4. Katy, just to add to all the other sad things that seem to be flooding over us all of late, I am very sad to say that I WAS that child…and I get fed up for having to apologise for it. As a child, if some bastard decided it was funny to do something stupid and wrong and then the whole class got reprimanded for it, then I hated that bastard. Now, as an adult, if some bastard seems to think it funny to do something stupid and wrong, and it has an effect on me, I don’t laugh and think ‘oh well’ what a fun character he/she is….it pisses me off. The whole class doing detention because of one idiot never sat well with me. The whole political ridiculousness that is going on at the moment, scares and saddens me so very much, and I agree with what you say, but that last paragraph touched a nerve with me I guess and I was swished back into childhood….Now, I feel yet again that the idiots have fucked up and me and mine will have to suffer because of it.

    • Yes. I totally see why that touched a nerve. I think that if you were that good child, and for part of my childhood, that was me too, it was a heavy burden. I guess I just question that Owen ever was. It seems more of a political ruse his ‘normality’ rather than something actually real. xx

  5. I didn’t know he (Owen) had said anything about being “normal”! (I freely admit I am not keeping up with every twist & turn of this clusterfuck)
    I presume people are letting him know how offensive he is, if he did say anything approaching that?

    The whole “contest” has left me not only cross but rather baffled. It would make more sense if Labour had a star player – much in the way that until recently BoJo seemed to be for the Tories – waiting in the wings, who they could try to parachute in. After all their big beef with Corbyn is that “no one” – meaning the wider public – will vote for him. Angela Eagle had some name recognition but Owen Smith is certainly previously unknown to me & I suspect to much of the rest of the country, party members or not. If the plotters could have persuaded Andy Burnham to stand, it would make more sense, as he does seem to have some measure of wider popularity.

    As for trying to keep Corbyn off the ballot, well, there’s only one reason to do that – because you think he’ll win. If you don’t think he will win, why have all the unpleasantness? Just let him be on the ballot and watch him lose. It would send an even stronger message. But no, they are resorting to niceties of fine print & legal arguments to try to keep him from even being an offered choice.

    So, the plotters think their candidate(s) can’t win against Corbyn. In that case, by trying to prevent Corbyn from being available to vote for, they are saying that they *don’t care what the members want*, they want rid of Corbyn at any cost. This level of disdain and disrespect for ones party members just staggers me. How can the plotters not see how damaging it is?

    I really can’t see how this is not terminally damaging for the Labour Party and for someone who was hoping they might actually be about to move leftward, more to a position I a) agreed with & b) saw as their natural place in politics, it is very disappointing.

    • Sadly, he did, as part of his speech make the point that he was ‘normal’ as if that was devoutly to be wished. I wonder if he was having a sly and unpleasant dig at Angela for being not ‘normal’ as she is gay and has no family. A bit of a Leadsom moment I think. I suspect he was, if I am being fair, trying to make the point that he was not part of the establishment and the Bullingdon Club. It was just a really clumsy way to say it.

  6. Every time I read a post from you, I wish I had your way with words!
    You say the things I’m feeling, but with so much more clarity than I can come up with 🙂
    I have to admit to being so weary with the schoolyard politics coming out of Light Blue Labour!
    BTW, I was always the child tucked up in bed, with with my nose stuck in a book, and totally unaware that my mum had been going ballistic for the last half hour, at all 6 of us kids not being ready to go out on time! Lol

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