May I fuck the country up a little more said the Prime Minister to the snail?

Yesterday saw Theresa May take the reins as our new Prime Minister. Those of you persistent and hardy souls who check in here regularly to find out what things have been keeping me up all night enough to blog about them in a bleary eyed haze the next morning, will know that I have very mixed feelings about this.

They veer between horror, terror and a rubber necking fascination mostly.

She gave her first speech as PM yesterday afternoon. I have to say it sounded very reasonable. But, as ever, because I am picky, picky, picky, I have issues with it.

Firstly, her voting record belies everything she says that she is now going to stand for. The rough thrust of the speech was, ‘the common man must not suffer under austerity any more because it’s just not fair.’ This is, I think we can all (well, apart from the 1%) agree, a reasonable thing to say. Except that it is undercut by the fact that she always has been a hardcore supporter of the austerity cuts that put the common man in that position in the first place. What she says and what she does, like many of her ilk, do not make a happy marriage.

Secondly her talk about giving the centre ground a run for its money so the Labour party better watch out. Hmmm. That will be why she has started to fill her cabinet with hard right campaigners then. Also, see yesterday’s post about centre right Labour. Just argh.

At her first soiree, she will be serving breadsticks and croutons, on a bed of toast.

Thirdly, she had promised to reporters, earlier in the day, a more woman focused cabinet. She then went on to appoint one woman. One. That one woman is Amber Rudd, the energy secretary, who will now be home secretary. This is the energy secretary who failed to declare her brother had interests in Hinkley Point power station when she had to make key decisions about it. The energy secretary who has championed fracking, taken away support for people who wish to fit their houses with solar panels, and  who has failed to hit any of the carbon emissions targets set for the country since she’s been responsible for it. Let’s hope she’s better suited to her new position. Somehow I doubt it.

May made much in her speech of a move towards a ‘one nation’ brand of Conservatism. If this is in any way like Cameron’s big society we are fucked, unless what she means is actually the 1% nation, in which case the 1% will be happy and the rest of us will be fucked.

So, as far as I can tell, it’s business as usual for the Tories.

But all credit to whoever is in charge of spin.

Malcolm Tucker?

And I cannot wait to see her shoving through the snooper’s charter, so she can spy on us all. That will be useful for when she dismantles our part in the European Bill of Human Rights so we won’t get a fair trial or appeal when she puts us all in chokey for watching Ru Paul’s Drag Race without the right paperwork.

After the speech, which at least made us think she hadn’t just been running around the cabinet office with a wicker basket on her head singing: ‘I’m in the money!’ all afternoon, came the cabinet appointments.

That’s when the wheels fell off.


This is when I thought she’d actually spent the afternoon chasing Pokemon through Number Ten and just pulled some random names out of a hat when she realised the time and thought: ‘Fucking hell. I’d better build a cabinet…Right after I catch this Jigglypuff.’

We’ve dealt with Amber Rudd. Let’s have a quick skirl through the rest shall we?

Good news is, mad Gidiot, George Osborne was given the order of the boot. Having singularly failed to deliver a single one of his promises to the electorate and having borrowed more money than every Labour government ever, while watching the pound sink to the value of an old button he found down the back of the sofa, his work was clearly done. Now we have Philip Hammond steering the ship.

This is Hammond who said that the banks could not be blamed for the banking crisis that got us into this mess in the first place. It was, he said, the fault of those people who had taken loans from those banks. As ‘consenting adults’ they should have known better than to trust the banks wouldn’t fuck it up for them. As far as he’s concerned it wasn’t the banking crisis, it was the ‘people crisis’.

This is boding well for Theresa’s promise to help out the common man then. Good, good.

He has also announced this morning that the UK will leave the single market. He then went on to outline his plans for what we would do instead, which basically sounds like joining the single market.

It’s all Brexit means Brexit, and with the same level of careful planning.

What joy.

That is the best of it. Sadly.

After this, things get increasingly dicey.

First up we have David Davis, not quite so good they named him twice. David has been given the shiny new job of Brexit Secretary. He showed us how absolutely well suited he was for this this morning, by announcing that he would be making separate trade deals with all EU member states, despite the fact that being in the EU trading block specifically denies member countries the right to make separate trade deals with other countries.

I’m thrilled he knows just what he’s doing. After all, we need someone competent to steer this car crash in the right direction.

Straight back into the wall we ran it into three weeks ago. Cheers David.

Coming in as International Trade Secretary we have disgraced ex-defence minister Liam Fox. Liam Fox who took his wet behind the ears random mate/protege to key, confidential meetings about our country’s nuclear defence plans in strict contravention of any and all confidentiality/official secrets act rules, just for a jolly.

Another pair of safe hands there. I think you’ll agree.

I’ve saved the best till last, even though the world and his wife knows what’s coming next.

Boris Johnson is now our Foreign Secretary.

I did think of just making that one sentence my entire blog post for today.

Boris Johnson who has repeatedly talked about ‘picaninnies’ with ‘watermelon smiles’, when referring to African people. Boris Johnson who wrote a poem about the Turkish president accusing him of being a goat fucker. Boris Johnson who called Barack Obama ‘half Kenyan’ and meant it as a slur.

This is the man who will not only represent us globally and broker deals with people he has accused of knobbing ovines, but who will also be responsible for MI6. Our global reputation and security rests in the hands of a man who makes Prince Philip look like the world’s leading diplomat.

I don’t know why we just don’t scrap the Union Jack and just have a huge picture of Boris with a red nose driving a clown car and honking on a massive horn with the words ‘Parp Parp’ in Latin underneath as our motto.

The only thing I can think might be in his favour is that given that he still seems to think we are in the days of rampant colonial expansion, Philip Hammond can send him to broker deals with the strings of beads and wampum that will soon replace our outmoded worthless currency.



46 responses to “May I fuck the country up a little more said the Prime Minister to the snail?

  1. Jane Mickelborough

    descended into pure farce

  2. She’s just sacked Michael Gove though (the back-stabbing, opportunistic, self-centred, piece of sh1t) 🙂

    Sent from my iPhone

  3. Was waiting to hear your blog this morning as this was going to be the only thing to read that I might actually agree with. Had really thought it couldn’t get worse….yet it has. So ashamed to be British.

  4. smerlinchesters

    “At her first soiree, she will be serving breadsticks and croutons, on a bed of toast.” Second soiree, panfried and grilled skinned immigrants will be served. She said there are too many in the country to deport, too costly. EU won’t care, UK won’t care either, so the immigrants (overseas, EU, who cares) will probably ending up on some rich posho table for sure!!
    I am sure you also saw US state secretary reaction after Johnson’s nomination. The video is a revelation in itself.
    “Boris Johnson is now our Foreign Secretary” May I steal this one for my blog article? In the end, it’s what I’ve been repeating to myself since yesterday evening.

  5. I just want to roll up in a little ball and cry. There’s only so many gut punches I can take.

  6. “This is, I think we can all (well, apart from the 1%) agree, a reasonable thing to say.”
    Might this, perchance, be the 1% that pay 30% of our income tax, and might actually have a contribution to the question of how we can earn the money to pay for the NHS etc?

    • No. Andrew it isn’t just them is it because it doesn’t say anywhere in our constitution that those who pay the most income tax get the most say, and I think you’ll find that those who don’t pay any tax at all, generally get the most say. And they’re having their say, and that’s most of the reason why we’re in this mess in the first place and they don’t want to find the money to pay for the NHS because they’re the ones responsible for already beginning to privatise it.

  7. “George Osborne… while watching the pound sink to the value of an old button he found down the back of the sofa”
    No, Boris and Gove managed to achieve that one.

    • He could have done something to stop them. He didn’t. If he had built a stronger economy. If he had delivered on his promises. If he had fought the referendum on economic benefits rather than a punitive, scare mongering emergency budget proposal, things could have been very different. He has been complicit in this.

  8. Since I found your blog, my days are just that tiny bit extra enhanced! Cheers from sunny Manchester. x

  9. I await your expert opinion on the sacking/reshuffling/remaining of our Health Secretary next…!

  10. I genuinely could not wait to read your blog today – it is the only thing keeping me sane at the moment!

  11. I was hopeful that St Theresa meant it when she spoke of a fairer society but when she told us that we would have more choice I knew we were going to get the same old same old. So we will have the choice of paying for education or healthcare, mortgages or pensions, rent or food, because this Cabinet of right-wingers will be running scared of upsetting the City and will give those that have more and take from those who have very little.

  12. I think you’re all missing the fact that we have moved considerably from the public school consortium. Quite a few grammar school peeps here now. Check out David Davies background. I’m feeling somewhat more optimistic!

    • I’d feel more optimistic about David if he had been convincing this morning in terms of his plans. But you never know. It might start to pull right in the end.

  13. Love the rant Katy, so thank you for that.

    I didn’t even listen to TM’s opening remarks last night because they were never going to be anything but motherhood (oops, perhaps not!) and apple pie. Her only job now is how to get through the current shitstorm and any other vision she may have of our future can only be meaningfully viewed through the prism of what she actually does now and in the next few months and years. We know she was the least worst pick, so I am hoping she can exceed my very low expectations.

    It is a shame to characterise the 1% as universally evil and responsible for all the problems of the country, as the whole “us” versus “others” group-think is what fucked up the referendum outcome in the first place. Yesterday you said you were a political pragmatist who believes in cross party affiliations to get things done (I very much share that view) but bashing the 1% sounds like tribal politics. Five people are never homogenous, let alone 650,000. Most of the 1% voted to remain in the EU, despite being more likely to survive Brexit and its consequences than those who voted to leave it.

    GeorgeO needed to go for political reasons, but he is not responsible for the pound being worth less than an old sofa button. By all means debate the social justice of his choices, but relative to where it was when he took office in 2010, the economy was in pretty decent shape on 22nd June. Osborne neither called the referendum nor did he campaign for anything other than Remain. I wouldn’t want him in my house, but neither am I blaming him. David Cameron on the other hand goes straight to the ninth circle of my Inferno.

    I think Big Phil’s comments about the single market were only stating what happens automatically once we leave the EU, as we currently only qualify to be in the single market by virtue of being a member of the EU. He still wants to get us back in via the Norway/Switzerland model, and perhaps the inevitably crap deal that will be available then will give space for a new referendum. Brexit that looks like Remain is what we’ve all been praying for since 24th June, no? He is not the enemy of Remainers, though he is very dull…..

    As for Boris, I am a little conflicted. It is politically smart – he’s been well regarded as the ludicrous but savvy face of London for nearly a decade and has created the conditions that encouraged much inward investment (and London does pay the way of most of the country) and a high international profile. Foreigners know him already and many love him (outside the Congo and the EU anyway). He is not being allowed to hide away and then emerge again to resurrect his career when the shit storm is at its height -if Brexit takes the government down, he goes with them. He also has to sell Brexit to a sceptical world whilst having no real power at all, since that stays with Davis and Fox and May. BUT (and it is a huge one for me) I have spent 20 years teaching my kids that life does not reward people who are lying, self-absorbed, disloyal cheats and now I must explain to them why Boris has been rewarded handsomely for just such traits. Worse even than that, it shows TM to be rather less principled than she would have us think. That bodes less well for the future. So on balance I still wish Boris had been left on that zip wire in 2012….

    I am cheered to see Gove banished to the back of the house and also Teresa “Bellatrix” Villiers. I haven’t stopped laughing that Leadsom gets the task of creating our post-EU agricultural and fisheries policies as well as telling all her country friends that fox hunting really won’t be coming back. The promotion from hell – that is pure genius Mrs May and I will enjoy watching the farmers with pitchforks running past my house towards hers!

    Oops this post is too long – sorry!

    • I don’t think they’re all evil. I think the problem is that for too long, Conservative policy has catered to those who already have, and continued to take from those who have not and I would like to see evidence that Theresa will do what she says, rather than pay lip service. Only time will tell. I do think George contributed to this mess. I really think, when he had a chance to bolster the positive message about the economy in terms of what remain would mean, he chose to go down the old, scare mongering route instead, and here we are. Phil, hopefully will pull something out of the bag for us, and Boris, well. I agree. May has done the smart thing, let’s just hope it pays off for all of us, rather than just for her as a convenient scapegoat. It is brilliant news about Gove and also Nicky Morgan, and nice to see someone in charge of equality who has a stake in things personally. Not too long a comment. It’s good to hear what you think. x

      • Katy, you are absolutely right that Osborne contributed to the referendum debacle by the overdone campaigning message – which is why he had to go. But he wasn’t the campaign strategist and they ALL relied on the fact that the fear factor won the Scottish referendum and the 2015 general election. I accept he also contributed because he was the face of austerity that upset so many so much that they voted to leave as a protest against the government probably without any expectation of winning. The predictability of the protest vote at this point in the economic cycle is one of the many reasons why the referendum should not have been held. I could also argue that he is indirectly responsible for the huge anti-immigration vote because the relatively attractive economic position of the UK resulted in the immigration spike of the last few years that has also upset so many so much. But would that be fair? He insulated “the elderly” from many of his austerity measures without regard to their wealth and that didn’t help the Remain cause either, so it’s not a simple case of “be nice and I’ll deliver you my vote”.

        If I look at the alternatives I can see that allowing the economy to have continued to shrink after 2008 and not dealing with the deficit and not bailing out the banks might well have meant that economic fear really would have won the referendum and no one would be voting leave when the net flow of immigration was outwards from here towards Germany or the Netherlands. I realise the question of making choices in the face of a global economic crisis is not as binary as that might sound – it is a about nuanced balance and each of us would probably make different decisions. But it is an incredibly difficult jigsaw, even without intense media scrutiny that never looks at the whole only the individual pieces, and without the hideous political pressures imposed by democracy and the (mostly wrong) tribal assumptions that each party only governs for the benefit of their own tribe. Our political system makes good governance almost impossible and I often reflect that the only bits that offer hope are (ironically) the unelected chamber of wise men and robust, well informed backbench MPs who grind away with unelected bureaucrats (civil servants) in committees behind closed doors to get the real work done on a cross-party basis.

        I truly am no apologist for Osborne – he is a political creature that dies by his own sword, and I have disagreed with many of his choices since 2010. But I just can’t in all honesty scapegoat him for the pain of every struggling person in the land – all our lives are more nuanced than that. In the end the victory of the leave campaign came from a perfect storm of multiple factors that were predictable but were predicted by only a few. In my view Osborne was a very visible but ultimately bit-part player. I do think we are in a better position to cope with the economic consequences of Brexit than we would have been with “austerity-free” public spending at 50% or more of GDP and a massive structural deficit adding more and more to the national debt. At some point we all have to look in the mirror and decide what we can collectively sustain because we will run out of demons to chase down and feed to the hungry monster of expectations that grow faster than our capacity to support them.

      • Thank you for taking the time to offer such a balanced and thoughtful comment. I learn so much from people like you. Truly. Thank you.

  14. You are great Katyboo all soo true. Theresa mayhem is nothing but a marionette how could she put boris anywhere and still pretend she knows what she is doing. Total disgrace and keeping Hunt???? How come anyone think she can do this job. She is weak even Leadson that insulted her greatly for not being a mother and is a pure lier got a nice little job doing somethings she has not got a clue…

  15. Has anyone ever checked if they did, in fact, replace all the lead pipes in Westminster? The whole job lot of them seem to have gone stark, raving mad! We used to think Spitting Image was exaggerated, but it’s starting to look like serious journalism.

  16. Think May has been rather clever, leaving Boris, Davis and Fox to clear up their own shitty mess. Certainly interesting times ahead. Not so happy about Mr *unt

  17. The only thing I would say is it is all too easy to blame the banks for the initial cock up. Tony Blair new the crash was coming, Bush knew the crash was coming, the FSA (now the PRA) knew it was coming, as did the Bank of England. However, Tony Blair was riding on the crest of a wave, his people were happy – who cared if they were spending money that didn’t exist – he was happy and he was a very popular Prime Minister. There is a reason he jumped ship when he did – and left Gordon Brown to deal with the crap that was the crash. Yes the banks were lending to people who couldn’t afford – but they were being encouraged to do so by people higher up the food chain – then became very convenient scape goats when the crash eventually came. Economies work like that, peaks and troughs – the trough was coming and everyone who knew anything about our economy knew that too. But hey, lets blame the banks – clearly getting a £10,000 credit card debt when you have an income of £15,000 has nothing to do with the greed of individuals, who were also swept away on the wave of ‘have it all now and worry about paying later’. It doesn’t take a genius (and I think this was the point Hammond was trying to make) to work out that some people shouldn’t have spent the money they did – they were borrowing well beyond their means and I’m not too sure they thought about who was going to have to pay the debts off.

    Much like the leave vote that has led to this mess – people didn’t think about what happened next, they lived for today – oh and look, it’s a bit of a mess. But lets blame the banks!!!!!! Even though, Mark Carney and the banking system do actually seem to have been the only people who have put into place a plan in case Leave won. But that seems to have been conveniently forgotten already.

    • I agree that people have to take responsibility for what they can borrow, but banks should not prey on the vulnerability of people who are perhaps not as savvy as they should be, and ordinary people were not the major factor in why the banks crashed. The banks crashed because greedy brokers gambled with buying and selling debt and shifting money around in nefarious ways that put the entire global economy at risk. Our banking collapse was not unique was it? It was part of a much larger global picture in which the financial institutions gambled and lost. We have bailed out the banks with public tax payer money in this country more than once, our money has been used to prop up pension schemes and goodness knows what, and so those people who borrowed? They have paid and paid and paid for this, and they will keep paying. I absolutely agree with you that the Bank of England are the only ones doing anything practical to help, but that’s largely down to Mark Carney and he’s Canadian, and the Canadians didn’t mess their economy up because the government worked with the banks to ensure tighter regulation and proper banking controls. Our government could have done that and helped us weather the storm. They didn’t.

  18. As a non UK citizen (and one of the formerly colonised) looking in aghast from the sidelines, I have come to rely on katyboo to explain the unexplainable. The diplomat Boris is Foreign Secretary, it’s looking scarily possible that the Donald will ensconce in the White House and everywhere (Nice today) we’re sending hordes to early graves. I despair and too rely on katyboo to save my sanity. Thank you

  19. Yep! That about sums it up! A government of corrupt rich people, oh and jokers too! Laughing stock? Sensible world leaders, are there any?, must think we are mad!

  20. oh JOY

  21. I think Boris was the biggest shock. I hope the theories are right that having him as Home Secretary will put pressure on him to have to behave. If he were not occupied is he a threat as a loose cannon entity? Only time will tell how the appointments will pan out.

    Theresa will build a fairer Britain that works for everyone…also it will be Christmas every day. In the end it is words and talk is cheap.

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