My gaff, my rules

Thank you to the 300,000 people who read my blog since yesterday. I have never been viral before.

Usually it is six strangers and my mum, so you know, wow and things.

If you’ve subscribed expecting searing political insight on a daily basis, you might want to think again, but hey, if you’re here, you are welcome, mostly.

Given that many of you are new here though, I think I should explain a few things.

My blog is my personal space. I accept that having it out here on the web means that people can read it. That’s fine. Read away. But please be aware that it is not Panorama, or The Telegraph or even The Muppet show.

I do not write for you, regardless of the fact that I might write things that you agree or disagree with, or things that entertain you.

It is not for you. It is for me. I write for me. End of. I am not obliged to be funny, political, serious, short and snappy so you don’t get bored, or inoffensive. I am not obliged to be anything except what I want to be.

I have been absolutely open over the last few days with regard to what comments I publish and have answered everyone, however unpleasant their words, because I think it is important to give everyone a chance.

I am, however, running to the end of my patience with people who just want to shout at me because it makes them feel better. I’m not your whipping boy, and you are boring. So bloody boring.

I genuinely don’t give a rat’s hairy arse if you despise me. I’m absolutely not interested in what you have to say about me. I lose no sleep over your good opinion for the little it’s worth.

Many of the nay sayers with regard to my last two posts keep saying  that I don’t get ‘democracy’ and I should ‘suck it up’. Here’s the difference between democracy and dictatorship writ clear for you.

Here, in this corner of the internet, it’s a dictatorship, not a democracy. You are here as my guest. If you are being published, it is because I have chosen to allow you to speak.

If you can keep your manners, even if you don’t agree with me, we can continue to dialogue. If you are abusive, I will respond in kind, however nicely you dress it up in passive aggressive schtick.

I also have a block and report button and I am absolutely going to use it.

Suck it up.

If you send me abusive messages anyway, knowing I will be sorting through who to block so I will have to read what you think, realise I think more highly of my cat than I do you, and she’s a fucking idiot.

Suck it up.

I don’t advertise this blog. I do not monetise it. I don’t force people to read it. It went viral because people wanted to share it, not because I made them.

If you don’t like what I have to say, please why are you here?

I am one, middle aged woman who has been writing a blog about nits and the state of Gwyneth Paltrow’s vagina for the past ten years. It’s not World at One. I’m not a parliamentary spokes person. I can’t shape the world. I just state how I feel about things.

If you don’t like it, don’t read it.

It smacks of Mary Whitehouse syndrome. If you don’t like what’s on telly, love, turn it off. You have control over what you consume. If you don’t choose to exercise it, then don’t blame me. I don’t watch Coronation Street because guess what, I don’t like it. I don’t sit around, wasting my time watching it, and then moan about how awful it is and what a waste of my time it was to watch it, because that would just be bloody stupid, wouldn’t it?

Why would you actively do something you don’t like if you had the choice not to do it?

Finally, there’s the; ‘Your swearing shows how ignorant you are, and therefore I cannot entertain your argument,’ the ‘Your swearing shows that everything you say is a lie’ and the ‘Your swearing is boring’. Again with the nobody is holding you at gun point forcing you to read it.

And listen to yourselves. Stephen Fry has a brain the size of a fucking planet and he’s a prolific swearer.

Do you think Stephen Hawking’s string theory would suddenly not be valid if he used the words ‘cock sucker’ in his material? If you do, think about what it says about you, not what it says about me.






129 responses to “My gaff, my rules

  1. LOL – from one middle-aged lady to another – I think I may hang around for a while; I like your style 🙂

    • Thanks! I’m hoping to address Gwyneth’s vagina in the next few days.

    • smerlinchesters

      Another middle-aged lady here too. Just discovered you today, like many, and I agree with everything you said.
      In particular…
      “Here, in this corner of the internet, it’s a dictatorship, not a democracy. You are here as my guest. If you are being published, it is because I have chosen to allow you to speak.”
      EXACTLY. That’s what I always said on my blog. I’m even more of a dictator than you because if I don’t like an opinion, I don’t publish it. No freedom of speech in my blog lol
      Keep going!

  2. Since I found your blog it’s been my secret pleasure. A little bit of sanity in an increasingly insane world. 🙂

  3. I like your style and I am an old bloke and I am very relaxed about your fucking swearing because it makes you sound normal. Keep it up!

  4. I love your blog – my daughter has been following it for ages apparently – and apparently she has shared with me before – oops!! Anyway I cried at your steam steam blog – very very funny 🙂

  5. I personally think you should work cockwomble and a favorite of a friend thundercunt into your work😊

  6. Absolutely Katy. Well said.

  7. I’m new & this post confirms I’m in the right place. Thanks for laying out the rules – I may quote (& attribute) for my own nascent blog.

  8. Skinneydipper

    I’m fine with all of that Katyboo!

  9. That’s telling the stupid fools, well done, I also love your style.

  10. A week ago, I was not aware of your blog. Now I am comforted that a fellow-soul exists in my Murdoch-occupied country. Keep blogging, keep swearing. And if there’s a way to put the liars in the stocks, call me and I’ll bring the eggs and turds to bombard them.

  11. Well, congratulations, it seems u r all over France too, which is where I am at present, cos a French mate forwarded your blog, which I’ve now bookmarked.
    Well done, I wish I could vent fury with such eloquence, humour and wit.
    I just wish it wasn’t over such a seriously tragic matter. The Tories say a prominent Leave politician must negotiate the Brexit. Ergo, Britain must have a liar as PM. That will eventually be seen as an own-goal – not difficult to believe after the Leave Liars have already proved adept at shooting Britain in the foot.
    If your great country ends up with a Liar as PM it will become a very bitter nation. I really hope it doesn’t come to pass.
    PS : Bless Nicola Sturgeon – Go Girl.

  12. Jane Mickelborough


  13. works for me; thanks for your pithy wit Katy…. thoroughly enjoyable read 🙂

  14. I want to be like you when I grow up! 😀

  15. OH Thank Goodness I found you across the void. I think your blog has single handedly prevented me needing medication washed down with Gin. An articulate insightful commentary on the whole fucking mess. I only wish I could be so eloquent. Keep blogging Katyboo myself and thousands are listening.

  16. Yes Ma’am, 🙂

    Andrew x

  17. I found your blog just a few days ago and I love it! You are funny and witty in a way I would love to be 🙂 x

  18. Katy, you are wonderful! Keep up the great work! I only discovered you a couple of days ago, but am already a HUGE fan! You go girl xxx

  19. John Marshall

    I wish I had read your comment about Stephen Hawking last week. Somebody tried to discredit something that I reposted because of the swearing in it and then, because I had linked to it, that meant that my credibility was rock bottom as well. I tried to be too polite and say that the language may have distracted them from the message but it didn’t negate it. You line was so much better.

    • Feel free to steal it. You don’t even have to say it’s my line. Take the credit!

      • John Marshall

        Too late. That person doesn’t debate. They listed 13 reasons to leave on Facebook and stated that we mustn’t nit pick but we could post 13 reasons of our own. I posted to say that I was sorry that they didn’t feel able to debate (I hope the other readers guessed that this meant “you just can’t make your arguments stand up”) posted 13 and said people could nit pick to their hearts content because I could make every one stand up. He tried to pick holes in 2, I countered his comments and he said “Fair enough and I’m not discussing it any more”. Still voted to leave.

  20. As Arthur Smith once said: “A well placed swear word is a wondrous thing” So keep fuckibg going! I have to say that this post alone means I’ll be sticking around indefinitely 😏

  21. I found your blog because a friend posted your post about Brexit and anger on FB (and I hardly ever go on FB, so it must have been a happy happenstance). I love the way you state things and take no prisoners. Life is too short to get upset about nasty people, but nor should they be allowed to get away with being nasty simply because they do not agree with you. Maybe if we all learnt to discuss rather than come to fisty-cuffs, it would all look a little more grown-up (and I’m talking about politicians as well).
    You are so right: your blog, your rules. Well done!

  22. Thank you Katy. Spot on. Cheered me up. I can’t stand it when now smug arses bang on about sovereignty. As if they ever voted in European elections. As if we’re not already in hock to the USA, China and oil producers. I’ve bookmarked your blog.

  23. I’m aged 64, live in France and have not stopped swearing since early last Friday when I hear the referendum result…Fuck, Fuck Fuck… Carry on in your witty style Katy, reading your blog has lightened my day….Bonsoir x

  24. I am a newcomer to your site and find it refreshing and very alive.. In my 72 years I have never never felt so dismayed and anguished about the way the UK is pulling itself apart. A friend of my teacher step daughter says one of her friend teachers olive skin lived here for 30 years was abused 3 separate times whilst walking along a towpath and told to go home. I have been sent by a so called chum in the Golf Club a hate video of 5 mins of vitriol about muslims. I worked lived and brought up children for 5 years in a muslim country and they were a warm friends delightful people. We must stand together and fight Racism and xenophobia because the genie is out of the bottle caused by Brexit

  25. Newbie here, this works for me! x

  26. Shelagh in Vermont

    Yesterday’s piece was shared by my good friend, of the mybeautifulthings.wordpress blog. I subbed to your blog immediately. Keep on keeping on!

  27. Dear Katyboo1,
    Do you crawl in to my head when I’m asleep and write down my thoughts?
    How else could you convey them so accurately?
    It’s those bloody dried frog pills, they’re opening the fly buttons of the trousers of time and forcing telepathic messages to fly around.
    I’ve been a subscriber for a whole day, please keep up your distillation of the world.
    Un Gruffalo en France.

  28. I am a regular reader, yours is one of a handful of blogs that never fails me, whether it’s Gwyneth airing her bits or tales of Derek. Over the last week I too have felt true despair. Without being able to find the words. You always do seem to have the right words and have managed to say exactly what I can’t. So keep on, dictate your corner and however many fuckers, cock suckers et al… I’m with you.

  29. Oh Katy – don’t buckle under the deluge….too bloody right it’s your blog and we wouldn’t want it any other way x

  30. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and the way you do. I’m from Germany, so one may say not involved as you are. Still, I’m feeling awfully well involved. Like most of my friends and family. This Brexit shit is so heartbreakingly sad and enraging. Four days now, a new week, I told myself to look ahead and not to quarrel with something I can’t do a thing about. Only to find myself aghast to this day. So thank you for your words.

  31. Respect! But don’t feel that you have to answer everyone, or even anyone, it’s your blog. You have better things to do. For instance you don’t need to waste your time answering this, just block those voices you find offensive, or trite, or boring, or whatever, and keep on keeping on.

  32. Another middle-aged woman here 🙂 I swear like a sailor on occasion, so let rip, I say! Now I can hear that electronic Stephen hawking voice saying ‘cock sucker’ and i can’t stop laughing 😀

  33. I really related to your blog yesterday – thank you Katyboo! And today’s has put a smile on my face… Some hope and sanity in all the gloom and despair that surrounds us. I for one, of many it sounds, will continue to enjoy your musings 🙂

  34. Absolutely! It is your blog and you should swear all you wish – further I’m thrilled to find a blog that isn’t monetized it is a great breath of fresh air. Quite personally you shed a lot of light on the vote / ramifications thereof for which I thank you. Cheers.

  35. As someone who has just discovered you, I think I am going to like it here…you seem like a woman after my own heart. Our ideas on pensions definitely coincide

  36. Having read your ‘viral’ blog I decided to subscribe because I liked your style and this post really cheered me up and made me like it all the more. I don’t usually comment but I just wanted to make sure that the voices of those of us who like what you have to say outnumbered any people with special opinions. I will definitely hang around to hear more.Thanks.

  37. Thank you for such an honest, witty and downright frank opinion! I am from the US and in Crone stage right now. We are battling with our own assinine agendas here. A friend posted your latest on facebook and I not only love the way you write but can commiserate with your opinions. You are like a fucking Beacon of Sanity in a murky world! Don’t change!

  38. :-D, I’m not crying with laughter, but it’s close. You know, Katy, I don’t mind the occasional swearing – it seems perfectly in keeping with your style. What I love the most however, besides the posts’ content so far, is the fact that you writing is impeccable. It’s a pleasure to read text that’s not littered with grammatical and spelling mistakes (something that’s a constant theme in most comments and posts that I come across on this interweb thing, especially hateful and bigoted ones). I am going to paraphrase Steve McQueen (the director): “if you write it badly, you draw more attention to what’s wrong with the text, rather than put your message across.”

  39. Is it too soon in our relationship to say I love you? ; )
    Keep on writing whatever the hell you want. I’m enjoying all of it, even the bad parts, i.e. Brexit. (Well, maybe especially that.)

  40. Our opinion and fondness of the vernacular are frighteningly similar, so similar that I thought I may have sleep-typed!! I even describe my style as a benign dictatorship. Brexit was shared by my mother and I, in turn, have shared it with my world – loved it. My partner thought it was a rant, but then he thinks my facebook posts about Brexit are rants too!! Love your work. Thanks for sharing

  41. Not at all. I love a bit of love. xx

  42. Not entirely sure how, but I seem to have managed to miss your blog for the past two days while you were busy going viral! Anyway, suffice it to say that, as ever I entirely agree with your every word, including today’s post. Your blog, your rules. Keep it up!

  43. i have followed you for ages now. never change 🙂 please. I am still smiling at the thought of Nicola Sturgeon as a wee Jimmy Krankie!!

  44. It’s an alarming likeness!

  45. Terrific! I’m a new reader and I’ll probably be a regular now I’ve found your blog. Great stuff. Thank you.

  46. Personally I’m enjoying the distraction of Tom & Taylor’s relationship, hope you write about them soon while they’re still an item!

  47. Stephen Nelson-Smith

    Bra-fucking-vo 🙂

    I’ve only read your last three posts, but I sense a kindred spirit. Thanks fr sharing.

  48. I think I am going to like your blog

  49. I was lucky enough to have your piece ‘Happy Now?’ shared to my Facebook newsfeed. I was interested in reading it mainly because of the person who shared it. But I just loved it – it encapsulated everything I have been feeling over the last few days, but had been unable to voice. I signed up to read your thoughts, and am so glad I did. Thank you. Looking forward to the next one!

  50. Swear away, it cleans the mind and makes clear what is important to you.
    Thank you for letting us listen in 🙂

  51. Steve Williams

    Very enjoyable commentary and a welcome relief in this fucked up world. Keep it going as it gives me something to smile over in the morning with my first coffee.

  52. Robert Ludlum Novels

    Pretty much point on, Madam Dictator (and I write that as a compliment). Tell them how it is.

  53. Your ‘Happy Now?’ piece went viral because so many people, myself included, found it encapsulated most of our own thinking so well. It was easy to Share with a simple “what she said” at the top and I apologise for having been instrumental in bringing you haters.
    Please keep writing. You put your finger right on the button.
    – another middle-aged woman

  54. Totally agree. I’m a fan as you say what I am thinking. There are more fuckwits coming to the fore on a daily basis at the moment and it’s depressing.

  55. Haha, that is so me! I write about what I want to in MY blog and if you don’t like it you don’t have to read it! Simples, as they say. So carry on swearing and whatever you want to do, I totally respect that it’s your corner!

  56. I am your stalker, I’ve read your blog since the start and regularly share your posts. I occasionally comment and once I sent you a book – about the Mitfords – in case you might remember me. Anyway, as a fan, I just wanted to say that I am so proud of the difference that you have made over the last few days. Your original post resonated with me and so many of my friends. It made me cry in frustration. Again.
    My facebook wall is a dictatorship too. If people don’t like what I do or say, I tell them in no uncertain terms to fuck off.
    Just keep doing what you are doing, Katy, preferably with more swearing and plenty of cake. We love you!

  57. Brilliant writing – thank you for lifting me from my pit of despair – for a bit 🙂
    Just spotted a pattern that I am liking….
    Leader of SNP – Nicola Sturgeon
    Leader of Greens (for a bit) – Natalie Bennett
    Leader of Plaid Cymru – Leanne Wood
    Poss leader of Tories – Theresa May – “The Home Secretary says there should be no General Election until 2020……- Noooooo
    Poss leader of USA – Hilary Clinton – Mmmm?
    Not ignoring Labour – just all a bit messy
    Loving my new find –
    There’s a pattern here and it’s got fuck all to do with willy waggling!

  58. I’m new to this ere blogin, so haven’t connected with many others yet. Yours came through as a Facebook link from a fellow Remainer. It’s good stuff and very well written. I’m gobsmacked that you had so many hits! How the hell does anyone find the time to read all that stuff, let alone respond to it? Respect, in more ways than one.

    My own blog is nothing like yours. I was looking for somewhere to post a memoir I wrote back in the early 1990s. I don’t like the term “Mental Health”, but I guess it’s useful as a term for lay people and professionals alike, in order to draw them into having a look at it. My reason for putting my memoir on WordPress, is that I thought it might be helpful/useful/interesting for people going through similar painful stuff in their lives.

    So, even if it’s not your scene, you may know others that may find it helpful/useful/interesting. Please feel free to link them to it. Cheers:0)

  59. I,like one of your other readers, was lucky enough to have your blog posted to my FB timeline by someone I have a lot of respect for. I have thanked him – and Thank You – you are the only one out there making sense at the moment – and it helps hearing someone else say it (and much more eloquently & succinctly than I could!). Looking forward to all the rest, whether they be about politics, nits or indeed (God help us) Gwenneth Paltrow! 🙂 xx

  60. Katy, thank you for your blog and especially “Happy now?” which I was lucky enough to have shared with me yesterday. You have put exactly how I am feeling only so much better than any of my posts did. Carry on doing what you’re doing and ignore people who complain about swear words. It is good to know we are not alone in the way we are feeling right now!

  61. I too had your blog posted….and I like your style; interesting, insightful, direct and with more appropriate use of languistic terminology than seen recently by Adele. Haven’t subscribed to a blog before, nice to see someone airing their thoughts so honestly in a world largely governed by fear.
    Woman somewhat past middle age!!😃

  62. I may not agree with everything you say, but the way you write is brilliant.

    • Thank you Maggie. I find that lots of people don’t agree with what I say, sometimes even I change my mind. Happy for people to hold their own opinions, happy for them to share them too, as long as they’re not rude about it. Thanks again for the comment. x

  63. I should have thought most blogs are spots of personal space, written more for putting order in one’s own head than for the benefit of peeping strangers. Which would be the main reason for me to read someone else’s musings – knowing that they are more directed at them making sense of the world than at the world liking them (not that there’s anything wrong with wanting to be liked). Thank you for the rants of the last week, I would not have found you otherwise and they were… balmy for souls of non-brits like myself sharing your state of misery. Will hang around for a while, if tolerated :).

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