Greasing the Lemon

There may be several posts today. The children made me laugh so much at dinner last night I had tears rolling down my face. Although I tweeted it at the time, I need something a little more permanent to remind me how wonderful they can be. This is for the times when I want to leave them in a box outside an orphanage with a ‘Please look after this bear’ tag around their necks.

During dinner, Tallulah said: ‘Look at those pigeons on the pergola. There are loads of them. Those ones are watching those other ones having sex.’

Naturally, all eyes swivelled to the pergola, where what she was describing was indeed happening.

Tallulah: ‘They’re having rumpy pumpy.’

Oscar: ‘Don’t you mean hanky panky?’

Tallulah: ‘Rumpy pumpy and hanky panky are the same thing.’

Oscar: ‘What? You mean ‘doing sex’?’

Tallulah: ‘Yes.’

Stunned by this information, Oscar turns back to observe the pigeons.

Tilly: ‘There are so many of them, it’s like a pigeon…’

Me: ‘Orgy?’

Tilly: ‘MUM!’

Me: ‘Well, what were you going to say?’

Silence falls once more as we watch the pigeons going at it like knives.

Tallulah: ‘In school we call it ‘greasing the lemon’ and vaginas are called fongitas (pronounced ‘fon -jeee-tah’ should you ever go to Tallulah’s school and need to use this information).  It’s brilliant, because none of the teachers know what we’re talking about.’

Oscar: looking at the pigeons again, in a dark tone: ‘Those pigeons are doing a lot of greasing the lemon.’



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