Tomorrow is World Book Day. Usually I have to think of a costume for me and one for at least two of my three children.
This year though, it was only Oscar.
This would have been fine were his first choice not some complex creature in a fantasy book he read once that had wings and weaponry and could somehow transform into other things.
When I had finished explaining the limitations I was working under, i.e. lack of dexterity, ability to make things only with cardboard and sellotape and also budget/time restrictions, we binned that idea.
The next plan was for him to be Poseidon, from the Percy Jackson series. This was fine to begin with, as the main component of the costume is in fact a bed sheet that will be turned into a toga.
Then came the trident issue. Apparently it is a non-negotiable piece of kit. As he sailed off to school yesterday morning his parting words were: ‘Remember the trident!’
Luckily, I did remember that there is a fancy dress shop down near the prison on Welford Road (I have visions of convicts tunnelling under the road using sharpened spoons, popping up in the changing room like the shop keeper from Mr. Benn and escaping dressed as mermaids and comedy pimps), and it was my first port of call.
Luckily also my last.
It is not an ocean God trident by any means. It is in fact a half sized, devil costume trident that had been slightly squashed in transit and therefore reduced to £2, but it is nevertheless a trident. A trident at short notice no less, which makes it the best blooming trident in the world.
Naturally I should have spent hours this evening painting it gold and decorating it with sea horse motifs to give his costume the seal of authenticity.
Did I do this?
No I didn’t, because I guarantee you that within ten minutes of Poseidon entering the playground tomorrow morning it will either have been snapped or confiscated or both.
I just hope I don’t have to take Poseidon to A&E tomorrow.
Waiting times are very long at the moment, even for Gods.