I am meant to be writing my book.
My head hurts.
I have tipped flour all over my feet.
I have stared into space.
My hips hurt (I need to get this looked at. We are in the fourth week of hip based agony and I think Jason has taken my pelvis out and put it back in again the wrong way round as punishment for past wrongs).
I have not written my book.
Instead, have a post I’ve been thinking about for weeks, which doesn’t really merit either the thinking or the excitement honestly.
Oscar has been doing music at school. It is part of the National Curriculum that children now learn to play an instrument in primary school.
As with all things mandated, it is largely ineffectual, given that they do it for half an hour a week, for six weeks and then never again. See also, French, science, etc.
Generally schools bulk buy either recorders (ugh. the fear) or ukuleles, which I approve of.
Oscar’s school has branched out into brass instruments, except they are not brass, they are plastic.
Oscar came home and announced he wanted to learn to play the ‘p-bone.’
I said: ‘What the hell is a p-bone.’
He demonstrated with various sliding mimes and parping noises.
I said: ‘Oh, a trombone?’
He said: ‘No! A p-bone.’
I gave up. I ban all musical instrument learning, bar the ukulele, because I am mean. I do not give a raging shit if my child is a thwarted musical prodigy, I am not carting a sousaphone up and down the M69 on wet November evenings, nor listening to the ‘skree, skree, skree’ of violin practice. You have them at your house if you’re so bothered.
At Christmas, we were at granny’s house and the subject of the p-bone resurrected itself.
I looked it up.
Turns out that a plastic trombone is in fact called a ‘p-bone.’ Who knew?
Apart from Oscar, obviously.
Also they are about £100 each. Dear God in heaven.
We looked up other plastic instruments and were very disappointed to find that they are not all called things beginning with P, only the p-bone.We do not know why this is so, as it is absolute joy to create the names for plastic instruments.
Give it a go.
Our particular favourites were: the parp, the parpsichord and the prumpet.