Derek was stalking a particularly fat squirrel in the garden this evening. We were watching the progress of the stalking with interest, taking bets on whether Derek or the squirrel would win.
The squirrel kept darting off but coming back. There was obviously something it felt it had to do, and Derek was getting in its way.
Eventually it darted up the apple tree, snatched a fairly huge apple and staggered away with it.
As we watched it go I commented that the squirrel had particularly huge nipples.
This led the children to discuss whether the squirrel was a girl or boy squirrel. Then we got on to breasts in general:
Tallulah: Are humans the only animal to have boobs?
Tilly: Well, cows have udders.
Oscar: Yeah. That’s right.
They think about this for a moment.
Tilly: I think dolphins have boobs.
(I am stunned by this. Surely this cannot be right? I have never seen a dolphin with boobs, but then maybe I’ve only ever looked at boy dolphins. In fact, I don’t even remember ever having seen a dolphin’s nipples)
Oscar: How do dolphins have babies anyway?
Tallulah (scornfully): Well first they have sex, and then they have babies. Duh.
They think about this.
Tallulah: Can you milk a dolphin?
We all think about this. We have nothing to say on the matter. Having given it some thought I would suggest it would be difficult, slippery and smell a lot of fish.
Tallulah: Dolphins are the only other animal apart from humans that take pleasure from having sex.
Tilly: How do you know?
Tallulah: I saw it on Sprinkle of Glitter. It is SCIENTIFICALLY PROVEN.
I think what kind of a programme is Sprinkle of Glitter? And why are they talking about dolphin sex on it? Have I failed in my parenting duties yet again by inadvertently allowing my daughter to watch dolphin porn?
Tilly: How? How can it be scientifically proven?
Oscar: Yeah. Did they get them to fill in a questionnaire?
Tallulah: NO! The scientists sponsor them.
Tilly: What? To have sex?
Tallulah: No! No! That’s not the right word. I don’t know what the right word is OK? Anyway, they do have sex, and they like it.