I was going to wait until I was in a better frame of mind until I wrote another blog post, but honestly that might take too long, so here’s one anyway.
I’m not properly depressed, so that’s good. I’m merely slightly dismayed at the state of the world in general and incredibly stressed by events on the home front. If you add to that the fact that this week I shall be mostly rushed off my feet it all adds up to a quagmire of ‘stuff’ that I am working through.
Let me tell you about my fasting, simply because it’s quite neutral and things are mostly going ok.
I say mostly. According to the scales, which I got on last week and which indicated that things are sliding in the downward direction, which is splendid, I have regained the pounds I lost.
This would have made me rather disheartened except that all other evidence apart from the numbers point to the opposite, so the numbers can bloody do one, which is what I generally think about numbers anyway.
Here are the positives:
I am enjoying my food more. Really. Things taste bloody brilliant, and my taste buds are changing so that I am naturally craving healthier foods, which is even more brilliant. Although cake is of course included in this panoply of healthier food.
I am still way more energised than I was before I started. I confess to being knackered this week, but my period is due and we’ve had an unbelievable amount of domestic stress, stress which would normally have me sleeping like a dormouse and feeling exhausted to the bone every waking moment. I am tired this week, but I am not paralysed with exhaustion and I can still do everything I need to do, and fit in my exercise so I feel this is a vast improvement.
Because I have way more energy I am enjoying the exercise. I am still walking at least 10,000 steps a day and I am swimming for between an hour and two hours a day depending on how I feel and what my schedule for the rest of the day looks like. I am finding ways to make sure I can fit in the exercise because it feels great, which is brilliant. Last night I went swimming at 8.00 p.m. Because I wanted to. Hoorah!
Because I am exercising, my shape is changing noticeably. This pleases me enormously. I suspect that if I weren’t exercising and I was just doing the fast days the weight loss would be steadier on the scales but the physical effects on my shape would be less noticeable. I am rapidly becoming a convert to the idea that I don’t care what the scales say if I am noticing big changes on the body front. My baby pouch from 3 kids, six miscarriages and various surgeries is actually going down, which I never thought would happen. You cannot imagine how this makes me feel. I am elated. My upper arms are becoming stronger and less ‘bingo wingsish’ and my legs are regaining tone and shape. I wore shorts yesterday for the first time in about twenty years. This is huge for me.
Well this week I had to abandon a fast day for the first time.
I woke up on Monday feeling marvellous. My fasting was easy and I had bags of energy. I felt really, really good. I went swimming and had a really satisfying swim which left me feeling physically buzzed and my mind feeling calm and peaceful.
When I got out of the pool the sun was shining and I sat on the steps and basked and ate some fruit so that my blood sugar didn’t crash.
Then I went up to Queen’s Road, the lovely shopping area near my house, and strolled about in the sunshine, ticking off things on my errands list. After I had done all my jobs I decided to pop into one of my favourite cafe’s for a drink to keep myself properly hydrated. I walked in feeling on top of the world….
Thirty seconds later I fainted.
Those thirty seconds felt like about forty years. I was suddenly drenched in sweat, I mean literally dripping off me in pools and my clothes were soaking. As I went down I thought: ‘Oh dear, I’m going to throw up all over these nice people.’
Luckily I didn’t, and I managed to sink fairly neatly into a chair, where the staff made me as comfortable as a thoroughly slippy, fainting woman can feel.
My blood sugar levels had obviously crashed, so they very kindly gave me a large biscuit and a sugary drink and let me nibble and sip my way through them until I felt better and had stopped shaking like a leaf.
To say I was mortified is the understatement of the year.
But I will say that if you have to go down like a sack of shit in a public place, Fingerprints Cafe on Queen’s Road is the place to be. They could not have been nicer. Truly.
When I got home I did my sums and worked out that if my erratic menstrual cycle has pulled itself together I should start my period this week, which explains a lot.
I didn’t cope as well on a fasting regime last time my period came. This time it appears my body has drawn a line in the sand. I respect that line, mainly because I have no wish to faint in public again at any point this week.
As a result I have made the executive decision that fasting days are off until periods are over. I shall start again when I am less likely to keel over.
I am so full of wisdomosity.