The fattest people on earth

Oscar and Tallulah were out playing in the garden earlier.

Oscar: ‘I know. Let’s play being the fattest people on earth.’

Tallulah: ‘Yeah!’

They lumber down the garden path, clutching the chocolate biscuits I gave them. They wheeze and huff, and stick their bellies out. Every now and again Tallulah says in a husky, Les Dawson style voice: ‘Oooh, Oscar, let’s sit down here and eat our pies.’

They lurch over to one of the planters and sit on the edge to eat their biscuits, accompanied by a lot of grunting and puffing.

They make it as far as the decking.

Tallulah says: ‘Oof! This is hard work.’

Oscar: ‘Yeah. It’s exhausting being so fat.’

Tallulah: ‘Let’s pretend that when I stand on the decking I just fall straight through.’

Oscar: ‘Brilliant.’

She stands on the decking and crumples to the floor.

Oscar: ‘The fat lady has fallen through the decking.’

Tallulah: ‘I am the fattest lady on earth….


Oscar crouches down with his hands on his knees. He looks at Tallulah:

‘I’m sorry. I can’t help you. I’m the fattest man on earth and I can’t reach down that far.’

Tallulah: ‘I think I’ll just sit down here and eat my biscuit for a while.’

4 responses to “The fattest people on earth

  1. Hahahaa. I love it.

  2. They are so funny. When they’re not trying to murder each other.

  3. What wonderful imaginations your children have. But then, it is not unexpected since you stimulated them so much. You are a marvel!

  4. I am not. I am just not very good at children things so they have to grow up really quickly! xx

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