Oscar and Tallulah were out playing in the garden earlier.
Oscar: ‘I know. Let’s play being the fattest people on earth.’
They lumber down the garden path, clutching the chocolate biscuits I gave them. They wheeze and huff, and stick their bellies out. Every now and again Tallulah says in a husky, Les Dawson style voice: ‘Oooh, Oscar, let’s sit down here and eat our pies.’
They lurch over to one of the planters and sit on the edge to eat their biscuits, accompanied by a lot of grunting and puffing.
They make it as far as the decking.
Tallulah says: ‘Oof! This is hard work.’
Oscar: ‘Yeah. It’s exhausting being so fat.’
Tallulah: ‘Let’s pretend that when I stand on the decking I just fall straight through.’
She stands on the decking and crumples to the floor.
Oscar: ‘The fat lady has fallen through the decking.’
Tallulah: ‘I am the fattest lady on earth….
Oscar crouches down with his hands on his knees. He looks at Tallulah:
‘I’m sorry. I can’t help you. I’m the fattest man on earth and I can’t reach down that far.’
Tallulah: ‘I think I’ll just sit down here and eat my biscuit for a while.’