Citrus Fruit Terrorism

Tilly was telling me a long and complicated tale about a friend of hers today as we drove to yet another rendezvous with the dentist.

I am thinking of having a memorial bench made at our dentist’s. I know that waiting room better than I know my own lounge at the moment.

Anyway, this story was about the mafia. Apparently it also involved hiding in a cupboard and having to run away. Two things I think would be almost mandatory were I to be involved with the mafia.

After telling it to me, and swearing it was all true (improbable though it seemed), she said:

‘I don’t really know very much about the mafia.’

To which I replied:

‘I don’t think that Knighton is a particular stronghold of the mafia to be honest.’

She said:

‘I know they have to eat meatballs.’

I did not comment here. If this were compulsory for joining the mafia, every English person who has visited an Ikea cafeteria in the last ten years would be a member by now.

To be fair, perhaps that’s how they recruit new members, I don’t know.

She continued:

‘I know the bit about putting horse’s heads in people’s beds.’

I nodded.

I once had a cat that put a severed squirrel head in my bed. I suspect he may have been in the mafia. I think if you’re a smaller creature you get smaller creatures to decapitate. After all, nobody’s going to expect a cat to saw a horse’s head off are they? Unless it was a huge cat and one of those miniature ponies…

I digress…

She then said:

‘And then there’s the thing about oranges…’

I did a double take.

‘What thing about oranges?’

Is this some new Mafia thing I’d not heard of? I watched The Sopranos. I’d never seen Tony Soprano menacing anyone with a satsuma.

She shrugged:

‘I’m not really sure. They do do something with oranges though.’

I said:

‘Like what? Put them in people’s stockings at Christmas as a warning that Santa is actually in the Mafia, and if they’re not good next year it will be the horse’s head for them?’

She laughed.

‘No. I don’t know. Don’t they pelt people with oranges?’

I said:


She said:

‘O.K. Well, do they write rude messages on them and put them in people’s houses?’

I said:


We both looked elsewhere.

Then we changed the subject.

So, what do the mafia do with oranges?


8 responses to “Citrus Fruit Terrorism

  1. I believe in the movie “The Godfather” there was a famous scene that had oranges in it (it is also, by the way, where the horse’s head idea comes from). I shall look into it.

  2. Well…according to several people on the Internet (and therefore it must be true), oranges signify death in the movie. Of course.

  3. Isn’t the internet a marvellous thing? Truly this is brilliant. Thank you ladies. Tilly will be vindicated. Now, do I tell her? Mwahahaha!

  4. Also, you can fill a sack with oranges and then whack people about with the sack. Apparently you can do quite a lot of damage without actually breaking bones or leaving many marks … not that I have personal knowledge of this, of course …

  5. LOL! menacing with a satsuma. interesting chats you have together at the dentist

  6. Like Pinklea said. I remembered it from The Grifters though, not the G’fathers.

  7. Pinklea, that’s excellent!

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