A grand day out – cue the music

No canoe metaphors today. I don’t even know why I mentioned them to be honest. The only time I ever went in one was when I was being wooed by a man called Kevin who had a Canadian canoe (bigger than a regular one I believe) and he took me boating down the Isis, in the mistaken belief that I was keen on this type of thing, and nearly got me killed by paddling into a swan’s nest. It did not enamour me to a life on the water any.

His second attempt at seduction came with the most appalling bottle of Chilean red wine, which ripped the back of your throat out and made you make that strange houghing sound that only alcohol and smoke inhalation can do. It was accompanied by him continuing to show me his wilderness skills by building a fire of green twigs, which went exactly as expected, and cued up a second bout of houghing noises. So I got the complete set.

I went home, bewildered, convinced I was definitely not a child of the wilderness, and smelling like a smoked kipper.

Our love was never meant to be.

Today I left Jason to cope with the children alone. I think this is only fair as he is going scamping in his orc ears next week and leaving me with the children. Horses for courses. He goes and sits in a damp tent wearing hessian pants and chopping at people with a foam rubber short sword. I go to the South Bank and eat teriyaki chicken and watch Lesley Sharp in A Taste of Honey at the National theatre. No houghing was involved.

The down side to the day? The piece of red velvet cake I devoured turned out to be covered in white chocolate instead of cream cheese frosting. I coped with the disappointment.

Probably due to my early survivalist training.

Unlike the swan, the cake did not try to break my arm.

Which is good.

4 responses to “A grand day out – cue the music

  1. I believe Pierre Berton is supposed to have said that a Canadian is someone who knows how to make love in a canoe. We are obliged to acquire wilderness skills when sent off to summer camp from the age of 7 or thereabouts. Off we go in canoes for ‘out-tripping’ (which requires a fun skill called portaging, i.e., can you carry your pack AND an enormous canoe whilst being eaten by mosquitos) with all the gear we can carry for a week or more to share the wilderness with Moose and bears. We perpetuate this and our own children as well – for fun and ‘leadership training’. B’s school went winter camping (just as cold as you might imagine) and S is voluntarily working at a camp as a lifeguard this summer. Her camp is for children with disabilities, whom she adores working with; truly pretty much all Canadians are outdoorsy. About 10 years ago I finally declared that I am uninterested in any holidays that do not involve sleeping in an actual bed.

    Such a challenging time for you and Jason as you adjust to his working in another country. It almost seems like you need to clone yourself so as to be in three places as once, doesn’t it?

  2. I’m afraid I have no water solutions or anything to share other than the ear worm you’ve started in my head http://www.chrisrand.com/hmhb/look-dad-no-tunes-ep/lock-up-your-mountain-bikes/
    Thank you, any time, I find there’s a HMHB song for pretty much any occasion.

  3. Sonya, i once sat next to a Canadian lady at a very posh dinner at the Oxford and Cambridge club who had had to whittle her own canoe and paddle it to the site of the boarding school her parents had sent her to as a test of her ingenuity. Sometimes I am very glad I am not Canadian. x

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