Jason and I got a fantastic Christmas present this year from our adopted son, Lee.*
Lee used to live with us for a while. Now he’s all properly grown up and has a very important job which means that he travels around the world eating lots of chicken wings and getting jet lag.
We are very proud of our grown up son, but we do miss him something awful.
We were lucky enough that his travel plans meant that he could actually spend Christmas in the UK, not eating chicken wings, and not being too jet lagged to come and share our Christmas meal with us.
He told us that he had ordered us a fantastic present, but that it hadn’t arrived yet. He was very excited about the present, and unlike me, when I get excited about a present and give everything away, he wouldn’t spill the beans.
He was right to be excited.
For I am now Lady Wheatley of Wansley Manor.
Married to Lord Wheatley of the self same place.
We have a very posh certificate with curly writing, and gold bits.
We also have a coat of arms which has three impressive gold helmets with spectacular hats on it, flanked by two lions rampant waving flags.
It is the most camp coat of arms ever.
I absolutely love it.
When I get the staff to go with my title, I shall have my seamstress stitch my coat of arms onto all my pants – that’s how posh I am now,
I suggested to Jason that we put this house on the market, sell up, and go and claim our rightful lands, whereupon I can get Kevin McCloud to come up with the plans for a fantastic ancestral pile.
Sadly he pointed out that we only have the right to two square feet of Wansley Manor, and we are not allowed to build on it if we want to keep our title.
I do think it merits a road trip though, don’t you?
Surely they will let me stick a flag in it, embroidered with my coat of arms?
*he is only our pretend adopted son.