The winds howled, and rain lashed down, and I feared for my garden, which is not much more than a patch of mud still.
I imagined getting home to find a gigantic, frothy mud bath, with possibly the wellington boots of drowned builders in it.
Instead I found my new, herringbone path had been created.
I love it.
And some of my rustic wall stuff has gone in.
There were no dead builders.
There was no mud soup.
And we had survived a visit by those people at Leicester City Council who are responsible for badgers.
I did not know that there were people at Leicester City Council responsible for badgers.
I wonder if the badgers know?
Anyway. Some anonymous well wisher had apparently phoned the council because they were concerned that our garden excavations had upset a badger’s sett.
This is, quite frankly, one of the most ludicrous things I have heard in an absolute age, and I hang around with hordes of under eleven year olds on a daily basis.
Badgers are shy creatures who do not thrive in high density, urban populations. They like to live in large family groups, and their homes are somewhat whiffy to say the least.
I think that we might have noticed had we been cohabiting with a large family of stinking badgers.
Derek certainly would have informed us had that been the case.
Outraged of Knighton I think I can say, paw on fur.
It took the badger officer approximately a nano second to figure out that we were not, in fact, gaily tossing badger safety and comfort to the four winds, and that we were, most boringly, half way through a major garden renovation that some twit has obviously taken exception to.
Some complete imbecile who clearly doesn’t pay any attention to Country File and wouldn’t know one end of a badger from the other.
Jason is planning on dressing in a gigantic, fake badger pelt and strolling around the grounds tonight, making sad, homeless badger noises just to wind the idiot caller up.
Whoever it is is probably so dense, we’re likely to end up getting a visit from the man at Leicester City Council responsible for velociraptor and alien sightings tomorrow.