Thank you all so much for your thoughts and comments on my last post.
I gave the matter a lot of thought, and went to speak to the lovely lady who runs the sessions this evening.
She was very understanding, and very kind and has agreed to mentor Tallulah through the programme without my, or anyone else in my family’s further involvement other than to take Tallulah to regular mass when we can, and to deliver her to and pick her up from her weekly meeting. This was extremely good of her, as everyone else is committed to going weekly, and I am the only shirker.
Her kindness made me feel terribly guilty (my Catholic upbringing no doubt).
On the other hand, having gone this evening, and sat through the session, it also confirmed for me that it was absolutely not for me, and it also lifted a huge weight off my shoulders when a) I knew I didn’t have to go any more, and b) I knew they would still allow Tallulah to be where she is most comfortable, despite her feckless mother.
The lady said I didn’t have to stay this evening if I didn’t want, but I decided that as we had risked life and limb to get there in a mad dash, that I might as well give it a whirl, just to make sure that I wasn’t over reacting.
That God fella – he seems a lovely man/woman/being, and quite pro-active in terms of the whole Creation thing, which is what we did this week, but I prefer to think about him/her/it in the privacy of my own home. I am not set up for a group sharing situation where I have to carefully vet all the thoughts that flit across my brain, and heavily censor what exits through my mouth, because if believing certain things makes other people happy and they’re not trying to hurt anyone, or make me join things, I am quite happy for them to have those beliefs, as long as they don’t want me to have them too – and I don’t like upsetting people and/or making people recoil in horror.
I am very impressed at them for being open minded and accepting of me, and at me for not freaking out as of days of yore, and all in all, I think we might be growing up.
Which is a nice thought.
The other wonderful thing that happened was that my rather lovely parents have agreed to have Tallulah on Monday nights. They will take her to her singing lesson and to her Reconciliation lesson and pick her up, and keep her overnight. This means I have one evening where I am not actually running around like a headless chicken.
If I had seriously considered keeping going to these meetings at church just the sheer logistics of getting there on time would have done for me anyway. I would have managed it, but only if none of us ate anything and I spent the entire time in the car from the time we get out of school to the time we arrived at church.
So I am very grateful to the Church lady for being so understanding, and to my parents for being absolute bricks.
I think it’s keeping me just on the right side of sanity.
Which is good, because I need to hang onto it for the rest of the week which is rapidly turning into another nightmare of a week.
But with less religion in it.
Which works for me.