I feel a bit more cheerfuller since I vented my spleen in the last post.
I realise that a lot of my frustration is with the way the school communicates, not with what Tilly’s real time experience is, and I need to learn to let go of my anger at the way things come across, and get to the heart of what is really happening for her. I also need to not get mixed up between what drives me potty, but which doesn’t really affect her and make choices based on what is best for her not what will soothe my fevered brow.
Sometimes, when the red mist descends, it is hard for me to step away from what I am feeling and focus on the bigger picture, and if I’m going to be a good parent that’s what I need to do.
I realise that the blog posts where I indulge in a rant can often seem petulant and rather blinkered. It’s just my way of getting all this stuff out of my head, so I can make room for a calmer, more rational approach that doesn’t throw the baby out with the bath water.
We will work through this until we reach a point which benefits Tilly, and if we don’t, we will change what we do until it does.
It’s that simple really.
I think I find myself feeling so cross, mainly because I feel angry with myself, that after all of this working hard to get her there, and to make what we believed was the best choice for her, and thinking so hard about what would support her properly through the next two years of schooling, I might have cocked it all up.
Being angry at myself won’t really help matters though, even if I have cocked it all up.
So I shall rage and shout against the dying of the light on here, and then find the space to think things through properly, and act accordingly.