Katyboo1’s Weblog

My name is Katy.  I am thirty six years old.  I have three children, two girls and a boy. I am married to Jason who is in IT (reluctantly).  He would like to be the World Poker Champion.

Mostly I am tearing my hair out being a full time mother. The girls are in school.  The boy is not old enough yet.  I yearn for the day they will leave home, even though they provide me with endless entertainment.  I dream of sleeping through an entire night uninterrupted, and have lurid fantasies about sleeping in late in the mornings.  I am not really an earth mother type although I am a ninja at baking.  I have taught all my children how to shop and ‘do lunch’.

Before I gave up my already tenuous grip on reality to take up parenting big style, I used to work.  I had jobs where I didn’t have to wear vomit on my sleeve or think about other people’s pooh.  I ran my own marketing company.  I was the managing director of an NLP company and I was a psychic for hire.  Before that I did a series of ludicrous jobs including harvesting thistles in Germany, being the world’s only audio typist/telephonist/receptionist and working in a Little Chef.    

I enjoy extravagance in all things.  My hobbies are eating in fabulous restaurants, seeing ridiculous amounts of theatre, shopping incessantly and going on nice holidays whenever possible.  I am chronically addicted to O.K. Magazine and blogging and have an insatiable desire for cake and biscuits.  I also have a fatal weakness for the novels of Georgette Heyer. I am fueled by the power of caffeine alone.

I got married for the second time in Las Vegas last year.  It was very showbiz and fabulous.  I intend this to be my last marriage as I really don’t want to be Zsa Zsa Gabor when I’m old.  Another option is to be a mad old lady festooned in cats.  Unfortunately my husband is allergic to cat hair, so it seems that we will have to go for my final plan which is to be a bank robber and live the high life on my ill gotten gains until the rozzers catch up with me.

 I am convinced that I suffer from number dyslexia.  My husband thinks I am just lazy.  Despite all appearances to the contrary I am quite well educated.  I have a first in English Literature.  I failed my M.A. in English Literature because I went to the Edinburgh Festival and partied when I should have been writing my dissertation.  I am now studying with the Open University to stop my brain from turning to mush and to give me something other than nappies to talk about.

I loathe close harmony singing, Venetian Blinds, Bakewell Tart and Rice Pudding.  I need to learn to play the drums. I am blind as a bat, but when I can pluck up the courage to get my eyeballs lasered I also want to learn to surf.

I would like to be a willowy five foot eight with gorgeous skin and a devil may care attitude which drives men wild.  I am not any of these things and on a bad day my hair is an homage to Wurzel Gummidge.