For new readers who joined this leaky boat of a blog, perhaps hoping for insight, wisdom and thoughtful musings on the state of the psyche – I apologise.
Mostly this blog is full of self centred whining, vitriol and the odd fart joke.
I am feeling a bit scratchy this morning. I know this, because I have been idly scrolling through Pinterest whilst downing coffee and shouting at the children (No, you cannot take your new Lego model to school for show and tell. I don’t care if you do hate me. No. I don’t know if you’re cycling today. I don’t care if you do hate me…), and muttering: ‘I hate that. I hate that. Grrr.’
Here are some things I hate about Pinterest.
Inspirational messages – Non Working Monkey who has a particularly splendid blog, and genius Pinterest feed has a lot to say about these. I agree. One hundred percent. I know some of these messages/sayings are very wise. Some of them are very beautiful. Many of them are true. What is also true is that reading them makes me want to take a shovel and stove in the head of a random passer by. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. They bring out my inner polarity responder. NO. I will not calm down. NO. I will not take time to smell the flowers. NO. I do not want to embrace my inner goddess. OH FUCK OFF…
I also hate pinners who leave gushing messages under pins like this. ‘I cried till my eyes fell out this is like so true for me.’ I was going to kill myself until I saw this beautiful poster of an angel holding a flaming heart in its hand, and it reminded me that life really is worth living’ etc. GO. AWAY.
The worstest of the worse though? People who pin messages or leave messages like this who cannot spell. This makes me want to put my head in a mangle and wind the handle.
And while I am on an inspirational riff, please can we exterminate all inspiring messages that are overlaid against a background of inspiring pictures? Things like hot air balloons filled with micro pigs, and close ups of Jesus’ beard shooting rainbows from its end? Can we? Can we?
Let us move on to more items of hatred:
Minimalist interiors – Really? Really? The only people all white walls with off white furniture and small, cube shaped bits of art that might be furniture but equally might be a heating duct work for are people who either a) go out all the time, b) have no children/pets/dependents c) only eat white things c)have another house down the street where they keep all their random shit and anything that isn’t white. (I am jealous. Yes. Shut up).
95% of all pictures which have cute animals in them, doing cutesy things. Kitten in a brandy glass anyone? My particular hatred is reserved for fat, wrinkly dogs dressed in tutus.
I also hate that I do like 5% of all pictures with cute animals in them, doing cutesy things. Particularly pictures of pug dogs dressed as frogs. Gah. I am but a weak and feeble woman.
Text speak – this is not confined to Pinterest. I just hate it. I do not want to LOL or ROFL. I do not want to C U 2morrow or even nxt wk. I want you to learn to spell and take pride in the fact that you can. Yes. I am middle aged. Yes. I listen to the Archers. Get over yourself.
That picture of a white stallion breaking through what looks like a shower curtain in the mist. It has been doing the rounds of Pinterest for about a century now. It keeps popping up on various feeds, and just when you start to relax and think that finally every Pinner on the planet has pinned it and it is gone for good, it pops up again. Whither horse in shower curtain?
There are many more things. Of this I am certain. I am also certain that I need to take my children to school so that they can learn to spell properly and I can teach them to eschew pictures of baby sloths sliding down rainbows telling us all to keep a pureness of heart at the centre of our being.