It was our first day back at school today. The children weathered it well. I did less well.
It may have had something to do with a child throwing up in the corridor five minutes after the bell went, and me, sadly, being in the wrong place at the wrong time, which meant rubber gloves and a lot of holding my breath.
Donning the rubber gloves gave me an eerie flash back to watching All Creatures Great and Small when I was a child, visualising Tristan steady the cow while James plunged his arm into its nether regions.
Luckily nobody asked me to calve anything, which I was profoundly grateful for.
It may have had something to do with the 6.45 a.m. start, when my mornings have mostly been leisurely ten o’clock lie ins for a fortnight.
It may have had something to do with the fact that as an extra special treat, our heating has gone tits up again, and I was wandering round at seven this morning, fully dressed, but wearing my dressing gown and slipper socks over my clothes.
It’s a look.
As my friend used to say.
My brain was not firing on all cylinders today. I forgot lots of children’s names, to my shame. I had prided myself last term on finally getting the hang of all the Maisy/Daisy/Leon/Liam/Princess Consuela Banana Hammock permutations that there were, but nothing saved me today.
The children are very kind. I explain that I am old, and foolish, and they nod and smile, and sympathetically pat me on the arm as I rock purgatorially in the twilight.
I am impressed that I did not a) swear (this is down to a huge effort on my part), b) fall asleep, c) drool, d) lie under one of the chairs in the staff room burbling away to myself until home time.
I also collected the correct number of children to bring home, didn’t forget Tilly, and cooked tea.
Matilda has drawn me a picture of a Rock Lobster, to cheer me up, which I keep glancing at in awe. It is a very good picture of a lobster. Certainly better than I could manage, in that it actually looks like a lobster.
I like it. It could be the only thing between me and insanity at the moment.
That and biscuits.
