Today we have been listening to Neil talking about world religions as we have trundled about the county, eating up petrol and poohing fumes all over the environment.
The subject of sainthood came up in passing. Tallulah leapt on this eagerly. She goes to a Catholic school. Saints are da bomb for those of the Catholic persuasion. I was always rather a fan of St. Agatha who had her breasts cut off for some reason I cannot quite fathom. All statuary of St. Agatha requires her to wander around looking forlorn carrying her lopped off breasts on two plates like two wobbling blancmanges. You’ve got to love her.
Then there’s Padre Pio who had the stigmata. I was a sucker for Padre and his bleeding wounds when I was going through a peculiarly religious phase at about the age of twelve. If there had been a poster of him, I’d have probably put it on the wall.
As it is I had to make do with Morten Harket, which I think on reflection was probably the better deal.
These days I have a fondness for St. Cecilia who I believe as well as being the patron saint of music is also the patron saint of televisions. I expect she watched a lot.
Not.
Anyway…
Tallulah was talking about Mother Theresa.
She explained that Mother Theresa gave everything she had to work with poor orphans (check), and spent her life helping people and doing good works (check). She also said that Mother Theresa was a saint.
NOOOOOOOooooooo
Mother Theresa is not a saint.
I explained that lots of people thought that the things she had done in her life were super saintly, and in fact much better than the things some of the olden day saints were sainted for (not marrying evil princes and turning into bears and the like. Or living in huts on remote islands growing their beards and growling at people), but that there were very strict rules about being a saint.
One can only be canonised if it has been proved to the satisfaction of the saints marketing board that one has done the requisite number of miracles, and that they are in fact miracles, and not Paul Daniels’ Magic Tricks from the set you got for Christmas in 1982.
Tallulah said, very wisely: ‘It must be a lot harder to do miracles in these days than it was in the olden days, because we know lots of things now that we didn’t know then.’
We talked about this some more. We talked about some of the things we do now that if we were able to take that knowledge and ability back a couple of hundred years, would mean that our saintly robes would be a shoo in, without us having to lose vital body parts or grow body hair.
I asked Oscar what he would do in order to become a saint. He thought for a moment and said with very deep conviction:
‘I’d make a toasted cheese sandwich.’
Fairly miraculous I think you will agree.
Oscar’s Uncle A. had a toasted cheese sandwich named after him on the menu. Would that qualify for sainthood do you think?
Megs
It absolutely would. He will be most impressed.
I always felt St Agatha ought to be the patron siant of pastrycoooks and confectioners – I bet Mrs Roody could make a suitable St Agatha cake…
Noreen
A brilliant idea. On both counts. I will speak to Mrs. R.
1: Tallulah: extremely insightful comment. You could write a book about that one comment. Really.
2. Oscar: Am now thinking of the sandwich with the image of Jesus that sold for a huge amount on Ebay. Maybe he’s got something there?
MsCaroline
Toasted Cheezus…
Very perceptive of Tallulah indeed.
I assume you pointed out to Oscar that there will be nothing miraculous in making himself a toasted cheese sandwich in just a few short years. In fact he can be in charge of making all of the toasted sandwiches required for the whole family. Or might that be pushing the miracle envelope . . . ?
Purely an observation following conversations with my Mama (very devout), I rather think Mother Theresa will be ‘sainted’ with a great deal of speed. The process is underway already.
Sharon
Yes, let us not overwhelm him with imminent miraculousness.