Things Oscar and I have talked about this week

1. Death

Death is a hot topic in our house.  Tallulah goes to a Catholic school.  They’re very keen on death and suffering, and she loves a bit of trauma, so we’re always having to hear tragic stories of death, with a lot less emphasis on the rebirth thing than the official party line would like.

Oscar will go in September. I think he’s limbering up. As it is we are rather a macabre family anyway.  He likes to ask lots of questions.  It is not easy answering questions about eschatology with the dawn chorus and no coffee available.

This week’s recurring theme was his wish to avoid the finality of death, or what he calls; ‘The end of days.’  He said very cheerfully this week: ‘Mama. I think that when we get to the end of days, we just go back to the beginning and start again.’  I said: ‘That’s a nice idea.’  He said: ‘Yes. Is it true?’ To which I had no suitable answer that soothed a four year old pedant.  He has sprung it on me in several versions over the week.  All my answers, and my woeful failure to be utterly prepared with notes and a clipboard have been a sore disappointment to him.

Perhaps school will handle this better. I hope so.

2. Poorly Children

This subject is linked inextricably to the whole death question.  He is fascinated by poorly children.  Whenever he is unwell himself we have to have a forensic examination of all the facts, symptoms and possible causes and cures of whatever it is he may have.  He is making sure he is fit enough to last a long time before the end of days.  Having a mother who is permanently attached to the CLD on a very short lead is not comforting to him at the moment.  I do not get quizzed overmuch about my ailments because it is a true fact that I am ‘old’ and therefore I am unlikely to have much time left before the end of my own particular days.  There is nothing much to be done about that.  Which is nice.

3. Gravity

Oscar is very interested in gravity.  He wants to jump over the house.  Dada has told him that if he flies to the moon he will be able to jump over the house, because there is no gravity on the moon.  The problem is that he cannot jump high enough off the ground to get to the moon, so that he can jump over the house.  Confused much?

I know I am.

He likes to bring this topic up quite regularly. I like to shut it down quite regularly.  I do not want to go to A&E any time soon, despite the fact that it would be excellent for his research on poorly children.

4. Sharks

This came about because we were talking about different ways to get to Canada.  Oscar told me that Canada was in another world.  I explained that he meant another country, to which he nodded and said, ‘Yes! One that is in the sky.’  I then had to explain that just because we use aeroplanes to get to other countries it does not mean that they are in the sky.  In fact, with the exception of the fictional land of Laputa, I cannot think of any countries I know of which are in the sky.

He was quite disappointed by this news.  I felt sorry that I had to be the one to break it to him.  It never occurred to me that this was where he thought all the places we have visited were situated.  I am quite tickled by this.

I explained that it is possible to also get to Canada by boat, but that we do not do this, because it takes too long.  Oscar nodded sagely and said; ‘Yes, and because we might get eaten by sharks.’  We then had to go into a long explanation of how sharks cannot get into or onto boats.  He explained that they did not need to (oh most stupid of mother’s) because they can just bite a whacking great hole in the side of a boat instead.  I then explained back about how shark’s mouths are the wrong shape (with reference to James and The Giant Peach), and won many points for being cool, shark knowing mama.

He is still not convinced.  I caught him trying to talk to Tallulah about this, and how he was concerned that some sharks would be so big, with such amazing, flip top jaws, that they can just unhook their jaws a la snakes, and chomp the boat down whole.

I feel we will be revisiting the shark subject for some time to come.

5. Babies

We had a visit today from our friend, Diane.  Diane is expecting a baby. In fact, she was due to have her baby today. Luckily for my nerves, she declined to go into labour at my house.  I think she was a bit disappointed. It’s been a long and arduous haul for her and she has quite had enough now.

I know Oscar was disappointed. He would have loved to be in on a birth.

He loves me to tell him all about how he grew in my tummy and how he was born. It’s a story he never tires of.

Diane let him feel the baby move in her stomach, and he was most impressed.

He said: ‘I used to move like that in mama’s tummy. I was very busy.  Sometimes I was swimming about, which is why she had to drink lots of water, so I could swim properly.  Other times I was building a shed….’

There was silence while we digested this information.

Then he continued:

‘And when I had finished building the shed I built myself an oven.’

 

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