Last week, Tallulah brought home a letter from school that informed us that they were doing ‘junk modelling’, making Egyptian artefacts, (Yes. I know. We are doing the bloody Egyptians, again. This is what comes of moving schools.), and could they bring in some boxes and cartons in order to make these artefacts.
Schools are so pressed for space these days that they do not have craft cupboards full of cereal boxes and crepe paper, like in the old days. Cupboards are now being used as auxiliary class rooms and breakout spaces for teachers on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
After the Christmas holidays we were required to donate newspapers so that they could cover tables with them while doing messy activities. We were told that we were to bring in no more than three per child, as they did not have room to store any more. Furthermore, we were supposed to vet the newspapers to make sure that they did not contain anything offensive that might upset the children.
They are too sensitive to be followed round the room by the eyes of Gail, the Page Three Stunna, anymore. Look what it did for us, back in the unreconstructed Seventies for goodness sakes. No wonder the world is going to hell in a hand cart.
Anyway, I duly obliged with the newspapers. I did not bother to check the content. We do not buy papers any more, so the only newspaper I have are the free papers that get shoved through the door once a week. I hardly think that an article about a sponsored cycle ride to help save endangered coots, and some free ads for an Eternal Bow Hostess Trolley (buyer to collect), are going to scar the youth of Earl Shilton for life.
Last Tuesday I filled a bag with an assortment of random craft items for junk modelling. I was quite proud of the fine collection of items I was able to include. We are on a big recycling kick at the moment, and because I hadn’t been to the tip yet, we were spoiled for choice.
As Tallulah was about to head out the door I realised I had some toilet roll tubes somewhere that I had forgotten to include. We all know that crafting objects out of cardboard is not the same if it doesn’t include some fine toilet roll tubes somewhere. It is obligatory.
I rushed off to get them and went to put them in the top of Tallulah’s bag for her.
She went mental:
‘No, mama! No! You can’t do that!’
‘Can’t do what?’
‘We can’t have toilet roll tubes. We are not allowed.’
‘Why not?’
‘It’s a school rule, mama.’
‘Why?’
‘Because they are dirty. It is to do with Health and Safety. That’s what the teacher told us.’
I was amazed. Nay, stunned.
It is quite the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard.
Apparently they are very unsanitary because they are stored in places where people uncover their bottoms.
The fact that you do not touch a toilet roll tube with your bottom is by the by. The fact that it may have glimpsed your dewy, peach fuzzed posterior is enough to immediately infect it with germs of such horrific malignity you will probably go blind if you go within fifty yards of it with a Pritt Stick in your hand.
You have been warned.
Yes, sadly that has been a stricture for some years. It was included in the list of do’s and don’ts when I was a childminder in the UK! Obviously southern sensibilities were even more tender than those beyond Watford Gap. Apparently the tube may have been handled by an unwashed hand! Do you think the people who make up these regulations have any idea what children do with their hands (and where!) on a daily basis?
I wonder what Valerie Singleton would think of that.
Sharon
Exactly. My children are towers of filth in comparison to the innocent surface of the average loo roll.
Alienne
She would be outraged of Blue Peter!