Oscar and I are having another chat in the bathroom.
‘Mama. I don’t want to die.’
‘I know Oscar. Nobody does.’
‘Yes, but everybody has to you know?’
‘Yes, Oscar, I know. But you will not die until you are a very, very old man (unless you persist in riding your bike off the top step of the decking), so you have lots of years ahead of you to enjoy first.’
‘I know mama. But when it is the end of days that is it, and you have to die.’
‘I know Oscar.’
‘I don’t want it to be the end of days. I want to stay here with you and dadda.’
(I make a small sound. It is the sound of my heart breaking for my boy)
‘Me too. I know it is sad.’
‘Yes. I am sad about the end of days, and so I am going to stay being four forever, and not have any more birthdays, and that way the end of days won’t ever come will it?’
He looks at me so trustingly at this point I can hardly speak.
‘No Oscar, they won’t come. And you can spend as long as you need to being four.’
And then we leave the bathroom.
He goes to watch Ben Ten, and I go to sob my heart out in the kitchen for my poor baby, who is so clever and brave and resourceful and logical and lovely that I wish he really could stay four forever.
All three of these are wonderful. Oscar is such a scream! I quite see why you’d like him to stay four. Such a shame he can’t – although given the modern state of physics and zen, who knows!
But maybe Tilly needs a mild reprimand for frightening “dumb animals”?
Hugs xx
Damn! Now I’ve got something in my eye and the screen’s gone blurry….
*Blows nose vigorously*
That child is too clever by half. We were spared this sort of thing with my littlest brothers and sisters until they were all at least six or seven.
Knowhatchamean, of course I do (hugs) – but that wouldn’t be Oscar, at all, at all, now would it?
Aww, like the boy in the Tin Drum who refused to grow up – I have a feeling he might have been called Oskar, too.
Oscar is my favourite boy! I am so excited about our date to the movies and then our monster themed wedding….Tallulah was very unsure about this happening…I on the other hand can’t wait! Soooooooooooooooo cute – and to know that I am as good as a donut is frankly AMAZING! Boo family ROCKS!
I have been there too Katy and yes, it does break your heart ;-(
I sympathise greatly with Oscar – after all, I still think I should be able to come back a few years following my death just to see what everyone is doing.
My now 26-year old went through that phase at four as well. Too damned smart for their own good are some children.
Oh my goodness you made me cry! Your birthday letters make me cry too. I don’t even know you, i’m just a long-term lurker. Your writing is lovely and your children are hilarious. Thank you!
I’ve had that conversation too.When my son was little he spent an entire day making a new heart for me out of Lego so that I’d never die.I want to give Oscar a big hug.x
sniff. off to hugs my kids now
Keith
She has to get her kicks somehow!xx
Mrs Jones
It’s very dusty at this time of year.
May
Jason always said he was a child prodigy.
Noreen
Nope. xxx
Alienne
Gunter Grass, right?
Choo
Not just any donut. A Krispy Kreme.
Sharon
I agree. I am too nosey to die.
Dawn
It’s lovely, but so tiring some times.x
Suzy
My pleasure, I think.xx
Jenny
What a lovely thing to do.x
Home Office Mum
I will send you one of my Kleenex Balsam.x
some part of me is still like oscar — crying, “i don’t want it to be the end of days.”
Bronxbee
Me too.x