I am in the doldrums

The domestic situation chez Boo is getting a bit desperate. My kitchen floor is so sticky even my socks stick to it.  I posted this on facebook and my best friend suggested I sprinkle the sticky bits with glitter and create a stylish disco floor.  This is why I love her.  She has a practical solution for every dilemma.  Even so, I could not be arsed to get the glitter down from the craft cupboard.  I am wearing my slattern badge, upside down.  It has jam on it.

My plans today were very simple:

• Offload children at school/nursery
• Chug back entire contents of cafetiere due to being awake until bastard four in the bastard morning again.  Bastard!
• Do driving lesson, attempting not to twitch too much.
• Come home, still surfing on caffeine fumes and utilise this faux energy to clean the kitchen and downstairs bathroom so I will not have to hide if visitors come round.
• Use the remainder of my child free day to study.  Something I desperately need to do. RIGHT NOW.

Simple right?  Oh yes, and I needed to ring the lady about Tallulah’s drama lessons, and ring the Sensei about Tallulah’s martial arts lessons.

And….

I did the driving lesson, came home, sat on the sofa and fell asleep.

I woke up, ate some cheese, fell asleep.

UE came round for coffee, and to pick the girls up for the first time since Christmas.  He has been away, building hospitals in South Africa.  We exchanged news.  Him: ‘I built a hospital.  I taught lots of people in the slums.  I became one with humanity and explored the exciting globe on which we live.’  Me: ‘I shouted till I was hoarse. I have had four hours sleep.  I watched a lot of television.  I combed nits out of unrepentant children’s hair.  I wept.’  On the bright side there was cake.

The studying thing is really beginning to get to me.  I just cannot seem to get motivated.  At all.  I know what to do. I just cannot be bothered.  Then today I found out that my current tutor is leaving this weekend and we will be having a new one. I liked my current tutor very much. He was very nice to me and gave me shiny marks.  I am a bit sad he is going. It is not helping me to get back on the academic track.

I also found out that the fees for doing the M.A. at Roehampton are going to be about eight grand.  EEK-u-like?  The idea was that the academic life is a back up if my vague hope of making a living as a writer goes up the swannee.  I don’t know whether I can spend eight grand on a a back up plan.  A back up plan which only gets me to the start of a PHD.  God knows how much a PHD costs.  I could probably build a hospital in South Africa instead.  That would also probably be of more use to humanity.  I really need to go away and think about this.

I need to find some energy.  I expect it would help if I had had more than four hours sleep a night for the last week.  It usually does.  I need to find some energy and some sleep.  Those two things together might be akin to a miracle.

In the meantime I am going to de-stick the floor and feed my son.  I probably should feed my son first, and then de-stick the floor.  That makes more sense.  And when I’ve done that I can cross one small thing off my list, and hopefully that will give me a sense of purpose and meaning.  Right? Right?