Katyboo1’s Weblog

Yes, I’m wasting time.  No, I haven’t finished Vasari.  Yes, I’m going in a minute…

What is a shite?

1. It’s a shy pooh.
2. It’s a shit with an ‘e’ on the end. 
3. It makes the word shit sound more common.  It is basically the bowel movement of a peasant who probably lives ‘oop north.’ 
4. The Oxford English Dictionary says it’s a Medieval musical instrument in much the same vein as a sackbutt.  I prefer my answers.

Queen Bee Kipper

King Wasp Grouper.  Is this code? Am I close? Can I claim a prize?

Granny under arm hair

Is she? Poor woman.  No wonder that dress looks terrible on you.  It’s the octogenarian peeping out from the ruffles that does it.  I advise removing old ladies from about your person when out and about.  What you do in your own home is between you and Help The Aged.

Where do moles pooh?

In Sunderland, but only on Tuesdays.  That’s why sometimes when you think it’s a train rumbling past your window on Monday night, and then you realise that you don’t live near a train track, you can be sure it’s the stampeding footsteps of furry, fat moles holding it all in and running hell for leather for the border.

Will there be another Friday?

God knows.  I had two Thursdays this week.  Anything is possible.

Aliens in Cheddar Road

Thanks for letting me know.  It’s a bit cryptic though isn’t it? I mean, could you be more specific about how we would recognise these ‘aliens’? A six figure grid reference and some POI for Cheddar Road would be nice as well, so that we can get there in time to stare.  I wonder what they’re doing in Cheddar Road?  At the moment, if they’re on British soil they’re probably trying to blend in by pretending it is still summer and having a barbecue in the drizzle.

If a mouse was to fart on the moon

A butterfly would die horribly on the window of the number 94 bus, just by Gwendolen Avenue next Thursday, just about the time that Mrs. Throgmorton likes to dip her Rich Tea biscuits into a nice cup of brew. Fact.  I got that off Nasa’s website.

Mouse fur make eyebrows?

Not mine they don’t.  I’m convinced Paul Daniels’ hair is some kind of rodent life form though.  I shall look more closely next time I see a picture of him just to see if he’s stapled two baby mice to his dome.  I hear stoats make excellent elbows and a good dead badger makes an excellent substitute for a dicky hip.