Thursday 15th May – Meme Tag, It’s the New Black Apparently…

I mentioned only the other blog a lovely lady called Anna Pickard who writes one of my favourite blogs, which is called Little Red Boat.  I am rubbish at connecting things with hyperlinks etc, and Jason is at work, so just type in Little Red Boat into Google (which is what I do every day) and her blog will appear like magic, and will keep you amused.  Today’s blog is all about a meme tag thing where you simply type your name and the words ‘like to’ in Google and see what it comes up with.  You then print the results in your blog and tag someone else accordingly.  She has gracefully said that as she is not good at working out how to tag people that anyone who reads the blog is tagged and may have a go.  Her entries were very funny and inspired me to give it a whirl.  Here goes.

 

P.S.  Learningwoman. If you’re reading this, I’m tagging you.  I’ll try and do it properly later!

 

Katy likes to climb a couple of mountains before an early breakfast, ski constantly for eight hours then round the day off with a fifteen mile walk

 

Ha! Ha! Ha! This is the alien Katy whose real personality has been snatched and taken into the mother ship where it is currently being experimented on.  The Katy who sits around on her arse eating cake will be back with you shortly.  Watch this space…

 

Katy likes to crumple up reading materials, which is why she gets mad when she is not able to do so.

 

This is heresy! Katy would never crumple up reading materials, not even when she has to review hideous things for Amazon Vine that make her want to weep into her espadrilles. Tallulah got five on the naughty step only recently for colouring in a book, and that was only Postman Pat.  Crumple! Crumple! That’s what you do with tissues.

 

Katy likes big butts

 

I know it’s supposed to be Katy likes to, but I had to waive the rules a little here as there are some rather pithy comments on my supposed likes that it seemed a shame to leave them out.  Honestly though, I prefer a nice rounded handful in the butt department.  Any more seems a waste.  It’s a bit like the big breast debate, except that I don’t get that excited about breasts.  Not even my own.  Particularly not my own.  I think of them more as a necessary nuisance that stop me playing basketball professionally, and make it harder to run for a bus without looking like an imbecile.

 

Katy likes food and vegetables, just like any other animal.

 

There you have it.  Why vegetables are not categorised as a ‘food’ I’m not sure.  Perhaps a trip to Gardener’s Question Time would be in order.  After all. I am the queen of beetroot and beetroot related questions.  I’m glad to know I’m just like any other animal though. It is a relief.  I’d quite like to be a guinea pig next time round.  A confident guinea pig, not a nervous, shaking sort of guinea pig that gets cruelly bullied by rabbits.

 

Katy likes to sing nursery rhymes in the car and likes to make cups of tea for everyone!

 

I think we’re getting the word ‘like’ mixed up with the term ‘has to’ here.  It’s part of my job description.  I’m a mum.  That’s what we do.  I am putting a hit out on the man who wrote ‘Old Macdonald Had a Farm’ though if anyone is interested in donating to the fund.  I’m not quite tired enough of ‘There Was An Old Lady That Swallowed a Fly’ yet.  I think it’s the bit where the spider ‘wriggles and tiggles and wriggles inside her’, that saves the day.  It’s rather like the ‘Five Gold Rings’ bit in ‘The Twelve Days of Christmas’.  Singalong now while I go and put the kettle on…

 

Katy likes catching escaped hamsters and forcing them to run in mazes. If you befriend her, keep a close eye on the hoods of your coats.

 

Well! I’m quite naughty aren’t I?  I would like to catch an escaped hamster actually.  It would be a very cool and economical way of getting a pet and would provide a fascinating talking point for years to come.  It would be particularly handy if I could catch one this weekend because then I’d have something to talk to Paul Weller about on Monday (see yesterday’s blog), other than the state of his jumpers and the nakedness of John Craven.  I don’t think I’d force them to run through mazes though (hamsters, not Paul Weller and John Craven), because that would be mean.  I also wouldn’t be daft enough to put one in the hood of your coat.  You spend all that time catching the bloody thing only to catapult it down someone’s neck, risking a premature release back into the wild.  Not likely…

 

We were talking about the unnatural amount of pictures that bride Katy likes to take and how we were going to fake smile in those pictures.

 

Don’t worry.  I rarely get my films developed. I have some pertaining to crucial events in 1978 in the back of my sock drawer.  Plus, when I invariably do get them published they are full of pictures of thumbs, people I no longer recognise and strange, blurry unidentified objects that I probably thought would be quite arty at the time.  I take after my dad in the photography stakes.  They took me to the zoo when I was three and my dad took a photo of me standing in front of the elephant enclosure.  When it was developed it consisted of a large expanse of rock with my leg disappearing out of shot in one corner and the elephant’s tail disappearing out of shot in the other one.  Save your fake smiles.  It’s not worth it.

 

Katy likes to hang out with her friends and her boyfriend.

 

My husband would be quite worried if I did.  I find it hard enough to keep tabs on one intense relationship with a member of the opposite sex. I’d be disastrous with two.  I’ve just spent the last two days calling Oscar Tallulah.  I’ll never manage…

 

Katy likes to find out where different animals live and glues elephants onto Africa, penguins onto Antarctica, etc.

 

I would love, love, love to glue an elephant onto Africa.  I think there are probably laws against it though.  The glue would be expensive and the Africans probably wouldn’t be very happy about it either, let alone the sticky, aggravated elephant trying to tear it’s way free so that it can go on a rampage.  Imagine if I got it horribly wrong and glued an Indian elephant onto Africa? Bedlam.  I’m not even going to comment on the state of penguins in Antarctica, although the snow might make it difficult for the glue to stick.

 

Katy likes GREEN YESH! because she likes to hide in the GREEN GRASS!

 

I am a master of disguise…

 

Katy likes getting out on the track and racing with the boys.

 

No wonder I’m so tired all the time.  Presumably I’m doing this in my sleep.  What am I racing though? That’s what I want to know? A car, an elephant, a bicycle?  Perhaps I’m racing on foot which would explain where my sandals have disappeared too.  Just like the Twelve Dancing Princesses whose slippers would get worn out overnight, my shoes are worn away because I’m always out at nights racing with the boys…

 

Katy likes:. eating sleeping looking out the window high places, Tom’s bed playing with Sy getting in boxes and bags opening closed doors

 

I always find opening closed doors quite useful for getting around.  I wouldn’t say I like it. I wouldn’t like to take it up as a hobby, although it would be quite easy to do.  I like getting in boxes if there are presents in them (as long as they aren’t orthopaedic clown shoes – see previous blogs about birthday presents).  I do approve heartily of eating and sleeping although I’m not bothered about looking out of high windows unless something gossip inducing is happening outside.  I’m not sure about Tom’s bed and I have no idea who Sy is, although if he buys me a present I’d be prepared to give him a go.

 

Katy likes being with Mrs. Ashe’s brother, Ned

 

A lovely, lovely boy.  He doesn’t mean to pull the wings off flies really. It’s just his way.  Try not to make him angry and he’s an absolute doll…

 

Katy prefers needles to hooks

 

This doesn’t really fit the meme bill but I loved it.  Do I? I’ve been thinking about this and I think I don’t actually.  I hate needlework and once sewed my thumb with an industrial sewing machine. Ever since then I’ve been a bit off needles altogether.  Hooks on the other hand can be quite useful and have never done me any harm.

 

Katy likes to poop in her pants

 

No.  Katy likes to pretend that she doesn’t need a wee, even when she does, and then she leaves it until absolutely the very last minute because going for a wee always seems much less important than the fourteen other little jobs that she has on hand.  Then when she does eventually make the executive decision to go for a wee she is always amazed that her bladder hurts so much and that she has to sidle like a crab in order to keep from having a nasty accident.  Happens every time.  You think she’d have learned by now.  She does not, under any circumstances however, endorse pooh or wee related pants episodes and has been thoroughly cured by three children and their toilet training habits thanks all the same.

 

Katy likes to conceptualize and build furniture while keeping her hand in industrial design projects

 

Well, I didn’t like to say anything, but the truth is out and now I will have to clean.  I am Daniel Liebeskind and I claim my £20.

 

Katy likes doilies. And “Forever Friends” bears. And those little crystal animal ornaments that can be collected over several years

 

This is just before she strings herself up from the rafters for being moronically feminine and in need of a hearty slap to the side of the head with a brick with a picture of Helen Steiner Rice on it.

 

Katy likes the sound of personal coaching at a time and. place to suit her, making it more flexible for her specific learning needs

 

Katy likes the sound of someone desperately trying to plug their own business by making themselves seem all ‘cosy’ and marketingy.  It will never work.  Face facts. You’d be better off with some cake and a ten pound book voucher.  You’re not Paul McKenna and you never will be, which is probably a blessing for all of us.

 

Katy likes fairies and all things magical or so I’m told.

 

Who told you that?  The Grand High Pixie that lives in your radiator I suppose. Go on now and get back to counting your pills…

 

Katy likes to rest during off hours and is trying to community service in order to get ahead professionally. Katy is running around naked without a stitch

 

I would never try to community service, unless I had done something really naughty and my only other option would be sharing a cell with Pete Doherty and Amy Winehouse in which case let me at that guitar and the communal singing in old people’s homes.  As for running around naked without a stitch, what can I say? I’m that kind of a girl, although I do prefer winceyette pyjamas and a hot water bottle when it’s a bit nippy.